


Feigned Smiles

by ForcedSimile



Category: Nameless: The Thing You Must Recall
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-27
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-02-06 11:45:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1856877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForcedSimile/pseuds/ForcedSimile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He loved her so much and all he could do was smile and hope she would in return. (Trigger Warning: Suicidal Thoughts)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I.

Dolls never sleep.  As far as Tei could remember, from the moment he came together to form a doll, he never slept.  Even in the display case, even in that box, there was not a moment when his eyes closed, when he rested, when his thoughts stopped.  His first few hours as a human were spent sleeping and the utter quiet that prevailed was so shocking that he bolted awake.  He was up first and the others followed shortly after.  Blinking was not a sensation he was used to, but the image of her, Eri, filled his vision and he wished his eyelids didn’t get in the way of his looking at her.  He remembered daring to look at her through the lashes of his half lidded eyes from his vantage point on the green couch, but they had never closed before.  Voluntary movement was also fairly new.  None of his movements felt unnatural, but he had only imagined what it would be like to stretch and flex and just move.  He had never actually been able to do so, nor had he exactly wanted to.  He looked down at his hands and turned them over.  No resin.  His new bone joints were covered with flesh.

"Master. I can touch her…" a voice whispered.  That was certainly not his voice, it wasn’t a thought he dared to have.  He hadn’t even opened his mouth.  It was Yeonho, the young blond one.  He was thankfully stopped by Lance, who scolded him quietly.

"Let’s get out of here.  We don’t want to wake her," Tei said.  Yes, this sounded like his voice.  He was truly intersted in her getting enough rest, but he also wanted nothing more than to be away from her.  Eri’s presence, even in sleep, was too overwhelming for him.  He held open the door and the others filed out one by one, Yuri last.  Tei closed the door with care, making sure not to be too noisy.  As the others headed down the hall, he just had to see.  Perhaps, maybe…

He lifted his pant leg over his knee.  It was still there, manifesting as a human scar.  He felt the pain as though he had actually received the injury at that very moment.  He stood straight and closed his eyes.

"Tei?" Yuri said as he looked over his shoulder.  Tei met eyes with him and though the agony stabbed at his ribcage, he did not let it show on his face.  He smiled placidly.

"Are you hungry?  I think I can make something for all of us," he said.  "And her as well.  I have a feeling she’ll be awake soon."

The four were a bit rowdy.  Yeonho less so, but Lance and Red argued, Yuri was searching for beauty products and whining.  All the while, Tei’s heart pounded loudly in his ears.  This sound did nothing to stop the feelings that overwhelmed every physical sensation he had.  He could touch her.  He could be with her every day.

He had no right.  There was no way she could ever love him, nor could he make her happy.  Not when he was like this.  What was the use of this body if he couldn’t be with her?

So he focused on the moment to quiet his thoughts.  Clean living room.  Give Yeonho odd jobs to keep him busy.  Pot.  Fridge.  Rice.  Spoon.  Apron.  He almost hesitated as he reached for it.  It was her apron.  She had worn it.  And he would ruin it just by touching it.  He could ruin her just by feeding her.  Food was all he could give at the moment.  He had an older brother concept, he could not fully go against it.  She would know that she was eating food from tainted hands.  She could condemn him when she woke up.  Until then, he slaved away.  He could pretend that she would accept him and his feeble attempts at making her happy.

He heard Eri’s footsteps before the others mostly because he’d been waiting for them.  He calmly chided them knowing she would see them for the first time.  Would she scream?  Would she call the police?  What would she do?  Tei didn’t turn around at first, only acknowledged her presence.  Though he hid it by working, he was near vomiting he was so nervous.  He was not worthy to look her in the eye, but he turned so that she was in his peripheral vision.

She sat down.   _Too calm,_  he thought.  She sat down with them and pinched her cheeks.  He hurried over with some food.

"That’s enough self mutilation for one morning," he said, hoping the fear he felt didn’t seep into his tone.  No way he was going to let her hurt herself, no matter how slight the pain.  He placed the food in front of her, ready for the berating to begin.  Instead, she smiled and thanked him.  His heart stopped.

_That is not for me,_  he thought.   _That is for the food.  This is the way I can keep her happy._  


"I hope you don’t mind.  I cleaned the house a bit," he added.  Her face lit up even more.  He sighed internally and could safely say his smile was now genuine.  She was not upset.  He had found another way to make her happy.  Being human at least offered him the honor of being tolerated since he could never be clean enough to be loved.

  
_She’s a kind owner, allowing me to help her despite my dirtiness,_  he thought.

His heart beat quickened seeing her eat the food he had made.  The way she hugged her bowl of soup closer, the way her eyes lit up, the way she looked at him with such gratitude and interest, the way her lips spread into a smile, all of it seemed so much more real with human eyes and made a warm ache spead across his chest, only made stronger with each beat.  Even as presided over the table, he could not stop it.  He knew this feeling he had for her all too well.  Tei saw it reflected in the faces of all the boys that stole glances at her at the table.  She seemed to be unaware of it.

  
_So innocent, so pure,_  he thought.  His heart felt like it was tangled in wires.  If only it actually was, then he could die and never have to live with this pain.  He had made her happy now but he didn’t think he could deal with this pain for too long.  Tei urged her to get ready for school and he made his plans.  She would leave, he would clean the apartment thoroughly from top to bottom.  He would make her a lavish meal that night and make sure she was comfortable when she went to sleep.  Then he would find a quiet way to kill himself.

As Tei started the laundry he wondered how.  He could jump in front of a bus.  He was already damaged, what was a few more crushed bones.  But what if he some how got traced back to her?  That would be too much trouble.  Was there a river near by for him to throw himself into?  She had never mentioned one.  Overdosing on pills?  Maybe, but he’d have to apologize for using her things to end his life.  Perhaps, he could take the doll version of himself and smash its head?  No, that wasn’t fair to her.  The doll version of himself was her property.  Plus, he was limited edition, there was no replacement head so she could recover the loss.  Besides, on the off chance that she could put him back together…would he come back to life?  He could not live through that.  He’d be even more dirty than he was before for trying to kill himself and failing and no telling how many cracks he would have or what state he would return in.  Obviously there had to be a bit more brainstorming.  Since an immediate and clean way to die was not coming as quickly as he hoped, he’d have to spend a bit more time taking care of her so at least she’d remember him fondly.  He could be a helpful doll since it was impossible for him to be a clean or good one.

Eri came out ready for school and they all gathered to see her off.  Yeonho was quite bold, and kissed her good bye.  If Tei’s eyes hadn’t already been green…though he still smiled whistfully at the scene.  If he was a good doll like Yeonho, he woudln’t be standing so far back like he was.  There was no way he could kiss her.  It just couldn’t happen.  He didn’t want to chance her cutting him off forever.  All he could do was see her off.  Then he could clean the house and make his plans.

Unfortunately a wrench was thrown into that.  Eri’s neighbor was the principal of her school and he caught sight of them.  Somehow they were roped into enrolling into high school.  Tei’s mask of calm was so straining on him, he thought it would crack.  With every stroke of the pencil as he filled out the enrollment form, he thought he was just going to scream and jab it into his eye and pray he hit something vital.  He knew she was watching, though.  He didn’t want to scare her by doing something like that and draw undue attention to her because one of her friends was suicidal.  Now killing himself was out of the question, as there was a paper trail connected to him.  They’d ask her where he was and maybe their cover would be blown.  As he saw this morning, she was horrible at telling lies, unlike him.  He’d have to use his dirtiness to help her from now on.

As they came to the last part, the consent forms, he was relieved.  If they had no legal guardian, they could not enroll.  They were given f four days to resolve this.  He had four days to make sure she was set up well and figure out how to die without causing her any trouble.  Eri seemed sad that they could not go to school together but he could barely contain his euphoria, it made him light headed.  The next four days were bliss.  He was able to start his day off with feeding her and seeing her satisfied smile.  Though he appeared to be much more interested in pulling strings as Red and Yeonho’s ”commander” he was painfully aware of her.  Every mouthful, sip, smile, twitch, glare, breath and word.  He noticed it all.  Those moments soothed him into maddness.  He’d be calm just thinking about her and then remember what he was and how she was just as far away from him as if he were still trapped in that resin prison.

_It will be over soon,_  he told himself.

He cleaned her house, kept the boys in line, read a few books.  Yuri was often gone most of the night, allowing Tei time to write his final words.  He told her how much he loved her, that he wished that he could be clean enough for her, how he wished she was his only owner.  He stressed how much he loved her.  He knew they all loved her, but he really wanted her to know he wasn’t doing this for any other reason than that he wasn’t worthy of being around her.  He couldn’t add what else he had been thinking.  That perhaps…perhaps if they were on the same level…No, he couldn’t risk dirtying her by association with him.

It was the final day. Tei hadn’t exactly figured out how he was going to die, but he was happy to give her breakfast and was prepared to head out around noon and get ideas by walking around.  His final hours in her presence were simply bliss.  After she left for school, he made dinner and packed it so it could be reheated when Eri got home.  He knew none of the boys would cook for her and with the confusion over his disappearence, she wouldn’t have the energy to cook.  He cleaned up a little more, did some laundry, made sure her bed was made and his room was clean.  When he opened the desk drawer that held his letter to Eri, he found it gone.  In its place was a piece of paper that said, “I won’t let you.”  He knew Eri’s hand writing too well, it wasn’t her.

He sighed and decided to rewrite the letter.  It was disappointing to him, he had poured so much of his heart into the last letter.  As he began to write, Yuri walked in sporting a dark suit and sunglasses.  Tei glared at him but didn’t stop writing.

"Ah, it’s the pensive, bookworm older brother," Yuri said as he leaned on the desk.  Tei looked up at him.

"What do you want?" Tei asked, unable to keep his mask of pleasantness.  Yuri snatched the paper from under his pen.

"I see you didn’t get my last message.  I won’t let you do whatever stupid thing you’re thinking of doing," he said.

"Stay out of my personal items," Tei said, rage lacing his words.

"I was looking for stationary and I found it," he said.  "Hide your things better."

"How was I supposed to know you actually could read and write?" Tei said.  Yuri narrowed his eyes and took off his sunglasses.  He pointed them at him menacingly.

"Listen and listen good.  I don’t know what’s going on in that messed up head of yours, but there is no way you can die and not hurt her.  She’ll think she did something wrong and never forgive herself.  I don’t trust you to just take my word for it, so you’re going to have to come with me," he said.

"What makes you think I’m just going to go where ever you tell me?" Tei said.

Yuri stood up straight and crossed his arms.  Tei didn’t like his smug smile.

"Yeonho!  Get Lance and Red, I have a surprise for everyone!" he cried.  Tei’s eyes widened, but he managed to get his expression of tranquility on before everyone arrived. 

"This had better be good," Lance said and crossed his arms.

"We’re going on a little field trip!" Yuri said.

Yeonho’s eyes widened and sparkled, “Wow!  Really, where?”

Yuri put his sunglasses back on, “Just follow me!”

Now everyone was involved and Tei had to go along.  They got into a cab and they entered a clothing store.  When Tei saw the uniform for Eri’s school in the window he couldn’t even begin to describe the tangle of emotions that filled him.  He responded to Yeonho and Red’s excitement with one word answers.  When he was in the dressing room, he felt like he was on another planet.  He was dressing himself in a different outfit for one thing.  That was new.  When he saw himself in the uniform, similar in some respects to what Eri wore every day he felt almost sick.  He placed his palm against the wall beside the mirror to steady himself.  He wanted to look away, but he forced himself to take it all in.  He knew what this all meant.  In fact, he had known that the simple solution to their problems was for Yuri to be their guardian.  Yuri must have been preparing for this all along.  He couldn’t stand that he had so much in common with that man.

He covered his mouth to stifle the sobs but the tears escaped.  If the others hadn’t been so close by, he probably would have curled up on the floor and started bawling.  Thankfully the episode was rather short and everyone was too excited to be going to school with Eri to pay attention to him.  Except Yuri.  Tei knew Yuri was watching him the whole time on their way out of the store and on the way to school.  Even as Tei hen pecked the other boys to keep them from squabbling too much, he knew Yuri was watching him.  As they were about to enter the school, Yuri slowed so he was in step with him and grabbed his shoulder.

"Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you.  But I don’t want to see you do anything that will make her cry, understand?  We’re precious to her, like her family," Yuri said.

Tei took a deep breath.  Like family.  She said that even when they were dolls.

"You’re just using her to manipulate me," he said bitterly.

"Only so she’ll be happy.  I read your note.  I know what you want to do.  But there is no way you can die that won’t cause her trouble.  Even if no one ever knows you died or finds you, she’ll always feel the pain of your loss.  She’s been alone for so long, I don’t know how she’ll feel to have her new family rocked by death so quickly after she got it," Yuri said.

Tei sighed and turned away, ”I’ve got to get to class.”

"That’s the spirit," Yuri said.

Right then, he was slightly resentful toward Yuri, but he could find merit in his words.  While it was true that he’d be free of agony, no one would cook or clean for Eri as well as he could.  He doubted that any of them had the coping skills to help her though another loss.  Maybe Lance, but he had no concept, Tei wasn’t sure what he would do for Eri in his absence.

They finalized their enrollment.  It was settled.  He was going to have to live now, even if he changed his mind later.  He might have thought of ways around it and he started to think about his options, but Eri ran out of class to meet them.  Though she was worried and surprised, she seemed so happy.  Her face, the way she smiled when her eyes fell on him.  He knew that expression.

_"I feel better just by looking at you!"_

How could he deny her that simple pleasure?  His clean and pure owner.  She did not need the shadow of grief to mar her heart, even if she was crying for someone unworthy. It struck him that he had never considered other factors: would she hurt herself during the grieving process?  Would his death be the cause of her becoming dirty?  Though the lure of sweet release was quite tempting, he decided that for the sake of his owner, he wouldn’t risk it.

For now.


	2. Chapter 2

II.  
  
It started again. The looks. Tei remembered this from the store. He was in a display case back then and he saw the hungry eyes of the women and girls who wanted to buy him. Unlike back then, there was no glass or kind sales clerk to separate him. He could almost feel the vibration from the growls of the girls who stalked him like a lion does a gazelle in the savannah. What they didn't seem to realize was that in his mind, he was no graceful gazelle. He was more along the lines of a wilderbeast, he was disgusting and had the strength to keep them at bay. Much like a lion only sees food, all they saw was a hot guy with a sweet smile. They had no idea what he was hiding and he didn't care to let them know. He had no control over who was his owner as a doll, but he had a lot of control as a human.  
  
Initially, he saw a few ways of dealing with this. One was, the Lance approach which was to ice everyone out. Not only was that contrary to what Tei was naturally, he saw the way Lance's actions worried Eri. He had no friends. That was no good. He could not indulge them the way Yuri did, he was not oblivious the way Red was and he had the spine to say no, unlike Yeonho. He didn't quite remember the first present, but it was one of many to come. The girl came up to him blushing and demure, but all Tei saw were claws and fangs ready to tear into him.  
  
"T-Tei...I made this for you," she said, holding up a small box, presumably of sweets of some sort.  
  
He flashed her his disarming smile, "You are so kind to think of me, but I can't accept it."  
  
"Oh, please...just take them..." she said.  
  
"I can't. I'm so sorry. It must have taken so much effort," he said.  
  
She was defeated. The first confession was a bit harder to get around. He had been trying to get lunch and look for Eri when an upperclassman approached him.  
  
"Tei, can I talk to you for a moment?" she said. He knew this scene from every drama and anime that Yuri watched on his laptop when Tei was attempting to sleep.  
  
"Why can't you tell me in front of everyone?" he asked, hoping she'd back down then. She swallowed but lifted her chin.  
  
"Please! It'll only be a moment," she said. He followed her but sighed deeply and silently when he was away from everyone else. She was mentally coaching herself through this and he felt a thread of sympathy for her. He probably should just tell her right now...  
  
This was the first time he had been taken to the roof courtyard but he had a feeling this would be a familiar place soon.  
  
"Tei, from the first time I saw you, I knew there was something special," she said.  
  
He smiled kindly, but hadn't she said something similar? Yes, in the time before Eri there was someone else who said that to him. This poor girl had no idea how those words made his blood run cold. After that, he couldn't force himself to listen to her heartfelt plea.  
  
"Your words are quite moving. But I'm sorry, I can't be your boyfriend," he said.  
  
"Not even one date?" she said. He shook his head. Her heart was in his hand and he gently handed it back.  
  
"Please be happy with someone else," he said and put his hand on her shoulder. He left before things could get awkward. As he walked down from the roof, he ran into Yuri. Yuri smirked and raised an eyebrow at him. Tei frowned and walked past him.  
  
"If you're not careful you're going to get a reputation as a ladykiller," Yuri said.  
  
Tei turned slightly and rolled his eyes and kept walking. Yuri clucked his tongue.  
  
"Everyone thinks you're so pleasant, if only they saw this side of you," Yuri said. Tei returned to class and didn't mention the incident to anyone. When school was over, Red decided to stay and play soccer. Tei had no other activities to attend to so he decided to walk home alone. He saw Eri leaving around the same time and he grinned as he followed her to the train station. They caught eyes as they waited and she smiled slightly but looked away quickly. He kept looking at her though, her smile lingered even as she focused on the building ahead of her. Did he really make her that happy?  
  
 _Impossible. She must be smiling for some other reason_ , he thought. He looked away from her, lest the pairs of eyes that sought to conquer him trace his gaze to Eri. He didn't want them to waste their time trying to take down competition. There was no competition. Eri had already won. The bus was packed and he stood the whole time. It was murder on his knee. He had no idea how his injury would affect him as a human. He found that he was mostly fine but when he did too much strenuous exercise or was active for too long, his knee would get extremely sore. Thankfully, the pain could be managed until after Eri fell asleep and he could ice his knee at night while he read before he attempted to sleep.  
  
They got off the station near the apartment and joined each other. She smiled brightly at him, reminding him of those warm days as a doll. No pain, no hungry stares, only her and her smiles.  
  
"How was your day?" she asked.  
  
"It was fine. I liked all my classes," he said.  
  
"Did Red behave today?" she asked.  
  
He chuckled, "He didn't cause too much trouble."  
  
They talked idly. He liked talking with her, having conversations, though he had to admit, there was something so much more intimate about having her cradle his small doll body in her hands and stroke his hair. When they got home, she hurried to wash up first. He went to his room and sat at the desk and started his homework. He was mildly distracted by various concerns he had. All these girls harassing him were starting to be the bane of his existence. He didn't really want their attention, he only wanted...her. How different his reaction would be if it was Eri trying to get his attention instead.  
  
He pictured Eri stammering as she gave him a gift, her cheeks blushing and offering it with both hands, not daring to look up as though she'd be rejected. If Eri ever did so, he'd accept before she even said her entire sentence. He probably would just crush her in a hug and not even think about the gift as she was more than he could ever hope for. To him, Eri seemed more like a confession sort of girl. When would she ask him? She could probably confess at home but the school's rooftop was a touch more romantic, he understood why that was the preferred confession spot. He could see it now the way she'd wring her hands, and bite her lip.  
  
"Please be my boyfriend!" she'd say finally.  
  
Would she even have to ask? Before she could even speak he'd just say, "I'm so glad we're alone. I wanted to ask you to be my girlfriend for ages now."  
  
He put his hands over his face. These were all scenarios that only involved him being clean. He rubbed his knee and it throbbed reminding him of the truth. He was imagining the impossible. There was a light knock on the door.  
  
"Tei, the bathroom's all yours," Eri said. He heard her footsteps as she headed to her room and shut the door. He was glad. He wasn't sure he could walk without limping. He staggered down the hall to the bathroom, hoping she didn't hear his irregular steps and ask what was wrong. He didn't want to draw attention to his knee, the thing that destroyed all his chances at happiness. He turned on the hot water and neatly hung his uniform on a hanger he had brought from the room.  
  
The irony was he was probably the cleanest of the five in all other respects. He sighed and entered the shower. As he stood there, a thought crossed his mind. Eri had been here mere moments ago, water streaming down her body. Down the soft skin of her neck and arms, down her legs, down her stomach, down...  
  
Tei's face was hot from more than just the water and he switched the temperature to cold and covered his mouth so she wouldn't hear his stifled scream.  
  
No. Of all the things that he could not do, that was number one. He clawed at the tiles in the shower. No. No. Never. He could never do that to her. He stepped out and dried off, heading back to his room with his uniform quickly and shut the door a little too forcefully. He put his uniform back in his closet, but he was still shivering from the cold shower. He ran his fingers through his wet hair.  
  
He could not do that to her. Of all the things that would make her dirty that would be the worst. She'd be just like him. Just like him...what if she was just like him? What if she had a scar like his? Just a baseball bat to the knee should do the trick, or, given enough passion, he could do it with his own strength, he was certain. A little carving with a knife would make them identical. Then it wouldn't matter what he did to her after that.  
  
The idea of her frightened cries made him nauseated and he hugged himself and started shaking even more. He couldn't do that to her either. When he received his injury he was a doll so it didn't hurt. As a human, such an injury had to be the kind of pain he couldn't even imagine. If he hurt her that badly she'd never smile at him again. Even worse, he'd only be greeted with screams and tears. Her tears would scald him, though she'd never let him close enough to wipe them away.  
  
He'd rather die but someone made that quite impossible. He decided to focus on the moment. He dressed with shaking hands, finished his homework, cleaned the house and cooked dinner. His knee still hurt him considerably but the pain was something he deserved. By the time dinner was ready, he was overjoyed to sit down. He only felt more joy when he watched Eri eat and thank him for his hard work. He was earning those smiles and there was no way he was going to jeopardize them.  
  
 _Yes, safe and happy and not with me_ , he thought. Safe from the snake coils that are my arms. He sat at the opposite end of the table that day. Her presence was too overwhelming for him to handle. He was grateful when Eri decided to retire early. He was able to focus on cleaning up the kitchen. Yeonho helped him and Tei scolded Red to clean up his wrappers so Yeonho wouldn't have to sleep on them at night.  
  
What he feared the most was the part of the night when everyone else fell asleep and Yuri wasn't home to distract him. He was alone in that room with Eri a quick walk away. He wanted more than anything to tell her how he felt and kiss her soft lips. He didn't want to admit that he'd been yearning for them. He had no claim. No right. He could sooner kiss the surface of the actual sun before he could kiss her.  
  
He decided it was probably best if he attempted to sleep. He forced himself to rest and tried to quiet his thoughts. Hopefully he could recreate that sweet, quiet blackness that was the first time sleeping as a human.

* * *

Tei was at school. Class seemed normal enough, save for one thing. Eri was sitting beside him. A bright, red apple was suddenly on his desk. She leaned over to him, her lips a mere centimeters away from his ear.  
  
"Aren't you going to cut it for us?" she whispered. Her warm breath tickled him and made him breathe in sharply. He had no idea where the knife came from, but he cut the apple into neat wedges. She giggled.  
  
"Well? Feed me one," she said. Tei looked around. No one seemed to be looking at them, not even the teacher. He did as she asked and she slid the whole wedge into her mouth, wetting his finger tips. He hissed as though she had burned him. It certainly felt like he was on fire. She picked up a wedge and held it to him. He hesitated and her smile faded.  
  
"Do you not want one from me?" she said. Desperate for her smile to return, he bit the slice offered to him and she laughed and pressed the remaining apple slice into his mouth, her finger tip pressing against his lips. She fluttered her eyelashes and smirked and Tei felt like like his entire body would break. _Please...stop_ , he silently begged. The teacher called her and she stood up, her eyes never leaving him. She went to the board and started writing. He couldn't quite read what she had put on the board but his eyes lingered on her.  
  
Suddenly, the room was empty save the two of them. He didn't question it, just marched up to her. She was still writing on the board. He put a hand on her shoulder and she dropped her chalk and turned to look at him. Her cheeks were pink and her eyes sparkled in a way that put gems to shame. He touched her cheek and she yielded to him. Could it be? Could it be that all this time...  
  
He pressed his lips against hers and tasted the apple that still lingered. When he drew back, hoping to stare into her loving eyes, he was greeted with dull black. She fell limp in his arms and he sank to the ground.  
  
"Eri? Are you all right?" he asked, holding her closer and touching her face. She was growing colder and paler by the moment. Something black like ink leaked out of her mouth. Just a little at first, but then more, it spilled all over her clothes and even got on his uniform, but he did not let her go. His eyes filled with tears.  
  
"What happened?" he asked.  
  
"You," a voice said. He turned behind him. It was another version of himself standing there, his eyes glowing demonically. Black oozed from his mouth, was all over his clothes and streaked across his face. Tei held Eri even closer.  
  
"I won't let you hurt her," he said. The other him only smirked.  
  
"I'm you. I already have," the other him said. There was a loud screeching sound as he looked down at her dull eyes and black stained lips. She was so cold...so cold and dirty and it was all his fault. She was dead and it was all his fault...

* * *

Tei bolted awake. Yuri was sitting next to him on the pullout bed, watching anime on his laptop.  
  
"Aw, did Momma Tei have a bad dream?" Yuri said. Tei honestly didn't hear him. He shook violently and gripped the sheets tightly. Yuri popped an earbud out of his ear.  
  
"You all right?" he asked. Tei was still oblivious to Yuri's presence. He got out of bed and paced back and forth, then walked out of the room and down the hall. He stood in front of the door to Eri's room and placed his forehead on it before pressing his palms flush against it.  
  
"Forgive me, owner. I was thinking of you inappropriately. I am so dangerous for you. I'm sorry. Forgive me. Forgive me," he whispered. He slid to his knees, chanting "forgive me," until his knee felt like it would snap in two. He suffered though the pain, his fingernails digging lightly into the wood. When he finally dared to stand up again, he went straight to the bathroom for another cold shower. He was back to his senses though his mind felt raw. When he came out he was surprised to see Yuri sitting outside the bathroom with his laptop.  
  
"Oh, I was waiting for you," he said. Tei wasn't sure how to react to this scene. He definitely did not want Yuri to see him in this state but he had been so shaken after the dream he had to just act.  
  
"Why?" Tei asked.  
  
"Well, I saw how you were when you woke up from your nightmare, thought I'd watch you to make sure you were all right," he said. Tei sighed. He didn't know what Yuri thought but at the time he detected no malice in his voice.  "It's your messed up head again, isn't it?  I'm not sure how well these will work for you but I can be a bit of an insomniac. A friend of mine gave me some sleeping pills. I think they'll help you out a bit. At least for tonight."  
  
Yuri handed him a white pill bottle and a glass of water. Tei took them hesitantly.  
  
"How do I know I can trust you?" he said. Yuri closed his laptop and stood up.  
  
"Why do you take care of us at all? True, you have your concept and I know you like some of us, but what's the real reason? It's for her, isn't it?" Yuri said. "I help you for the same reason. She cares about you. And you don't want her to worry if Red tells her you fell asleep in class."  
  
Tei growled and took the pills.  
  
"Now let's go back to the room together," Yuri said. They walked side by side in silence. Tei put on a new pair of pajamas and went back to his side of the bed. The pills were taking effect and it was getting harder to keep his eyes open.  
  
"When are you going to sleep?" Tei asked.  
  
"When I'm sure you're asleep," Yuri said. Maybe it was being medicated, Tei said something he'd never thought he'd say to Yuri.  
  
"Thank you," he mumbled. It was all dark after that.

* * *

The sleep induced by the sleeping pills was not soft or sweet. It was like sleeping in a coffin. Tei some how woke up just as early as he usually did, picked out a book from the library, put it in his bag and got ready for school. He painstakingly made a mental note of every single action he took, careful not to think of anything he did the night before. Yeonho woke up shortly after and offered to help make breakfast as soon as he was dressed. Tei was grateful for Yeonho. He had a suspicion that of all the dolls, Yeonho had a very similar story to his own, Tei had seen the scars on his arms. But his scars seemed deliberate, like his owner put them there. Knowing how Yeonho was, Tei could not imagine what he had done to deserve such harsh treatment. Yeonho was a very good person. Quite loyal. If Eri chose to be closer to Yeonho, to love him, Tei would do whatever was needed to make sure they were happy. It was the same for all the boys. Though it annoyed him to admit it, he'd even trust Yuri with her, though not without seeing some signs of marked improvement on Yuri's part.  
  
Breakfast was a whirl of confusion as usual, Lance and Red argued, Yuri tried to seduce Eri into taking a cab with him and Yeonho cried because he wanted to be close to Eri. Amid it all, Tei secretly treasured Eri's every expression and gesture, trying to memorize every moment. _If you broke her, you could lock her up in a room and she'd be there for you always. You'd never have to share her again_ , he thought. He took a sip of his coffee knowing it was too hot just to stop himself from exploring that option.  
  
"Are you all right?" Eri asked.  
  
"Yeah...I just took a sip of my coffee too soon, that's all," he said. He smiled at her, knowing that it was universally disarming on girls, especially Eri. Her concern curbed just a bit. Tei knew she wouldn't look that way if he knew he had drank overly hot coffee purposefully or why he had done so. Her look of concern was cute still. He wanted the wide range of her emotions, not just to limit it only to fear or whatever he could force out of her. She could never truly be affectionate if he controlled everything she did.  
  
 _But if she yielded to your control, wouldn't that be the ultimate sign of affection?_ he thought. Immediately, he got up and started clearing the dishes. He needed to focus his mind with something else. Thankfully, they were heading off to school. As they rode on the bus, he contemplated his course of action. He had taken to filling his mind with other things. When he wasn't doing school work, cooking or cleaning, he was reading. He was tearing through the books in the library, at the rate he was reading, he'd finish the entire room full of books soon. Possibly by the end of the month, maybe a week or so after. Then what would he do? They got off at their stop and still had a ways to go before they got to school. The others had gone ahead and Tei lingered, lost in thought. He needed a plan, school wouldn't keep him busy enough. He didn't want to join a club as he didn't want to be around the girls who fawned over him. Sports was out of the question. He could force himself to endure the pain, but he didn't trust his body not to betray him. What if he got injured? Eri would be worried. He had enough faith in her to know she wouldn't make him leave the house, but what would she think of him? So irresponsible and uncoordinated.  
  
What else could he do? He saw a bright yellow flyer attached to a wall. The tea cup and logo caught his eye. A job opening at a cafe. A job. That would be the perfect distraction. He ripped it off, folded it and went to class. Although being on his feet constantly might still hurt his knee it was much more manageable than say, going out for the basketball or soccer team. He could just ice it when he got home or take some pain killers if it got too bad. He resolved to go see the place after school.

* * *

He left before Eri could find him after school. He had to catch a different bus anyway. He followed the directions to the cafe. When he got there, he looked up at the logo in English letters.  
  
"Banjul," he said as he gazed up at the sign. He shrugged, opened the door and went up the stairs. A young man greeted him.  
  
"Hello sir, Welcome to Banjul. My name is Zion and I will be your server today. May I show you to a seat?" he said.  
  
"No, no. I'm here about the job opening," Tei said. Zion's eyes widened comically.  
  
"Job opening? Mr. Hobin!" he cried. A tall, thin man came out from the kitchen, smoothing his hair.  
  
"What is it, Zion?" he said.  
  
"You're hiring a new server and you didn't tell me anything about it?" Zion said.  
  
"Oh, yeah. I thought I told you," Mr. Hobin said. Zion sighed and muttered bitterly. Mr. Hobin on the other hand turned his attention to Tei.  
  
"You interested in applying?" he said.  
  
"Yes," Tei replied.  
  
"Any experience?"  
  
"No, unfortunately."

"Well, I'll let Zion show you a few things today and see how you catch on," he said.  
  
"Mr. Hobin! What if we have customers?" Zion said.  
  
"It's slow now, you can show him a few things and I'll take customers."  
  
Zion muttered to himself again and beckoned for Tei to follow. Tei was surprised at himself. Everything Zion showed him, he picked up quickly. Could it be that his concept some how included coffee and tea making? Cakes and such weren't such a stretch he liked to cook so it made sense. By the time Zion said they were almost finished, Mr. Hobin joined them. He watched him with a blank expression.  
  
"So how did I do?" Tei asked. Mr. Hobin frowned and Tei worried for a moment.  
  
"I think you're lying about not having experience," he said.  
  
Tei laughed, "I assure you I'm not."  
  
Zion sighed forlornly.  
  
"How soon can you start?" Mr. Hobin asked.  
  
"As soon as you'll let me," Tei said.  
  
"Good. You can start in a day or two. I'll advance you some pay so you can purchase your uniform," he said.  
  
Tei felt slightly exhilarated as he left the cafe. He was going to love it there, for as long as he kept his customers happy and worked hard, he'd keep Eri safe. When he'd come home after work, he was certain he'd be in so much pain and so exhausted he couldn't even think about anything much less hurting her.  
  
He returned home. Red was watching one of his sentai shows and Yeonho was at the table doing his homework and crying. Tei decided to sit with him and do his own homework and help Yeonho with his. Eri came home and Yeonho dropped his pencil and ran to give her a hug.  
  
"Master! I missed you. How was cleaning duty?" he said.  
  
"Fine, fine," Eri said. "How's your homework?"  
  
Yeonho sniffed and started to whimper. She grimaced.  
  
"I see. May I join you in your misery?" she asked.  
  
"Yes! Tei is helping me, I'm sure he'll help you too!" he said.  
  
"O.K. Let me get washed up first. I'll leave my bag to hold my spot," she said. She put her bag down next to Yeonho.  
  
"Thanks for helpng us," Eri said.  
  
"Anytime," Tei said. Yeonho sat at his seat and Tei carefully explained a few problems to him. This was an excellent distraction, keeping Tei from thinking about Eri being in the shower and bringing up all his dark thoughts from the day before. Taking care of Yeonho brought a satisfaction he couldn't explain. If he were to take on just one of the boys as an actual younger brother he'd choose Yeonho. It would be rather adorable to have Yeonho chase after him in the hallway, calling him "hyung." Knowing Yeonho, he'd probably call him "hyung-ah" like a child and make all the girls squeal and give him cakes.  
  
Eri joined them and set to work quietly. Eri didn't seem to need as much help as Yeonho. Her work was always slightly off, but never insane. Tei really adored Yeonho, but he wondered just how he processed information that would lead him to write the craziest things, not just in math, but in next to everything he worked on. Once he was certain they were off to a good start on their homework, Tei left them to work and started dinner. The smells and tastes did much to distract him from anything going on in his mind. He determined that dinner was going to be fantastic that night.  
  
He found himself so preoccupied with dinner and cleaning that he forgot to tell Eri about his job. He didn't want her to wonder where he was every evening, unlike Yuri who said nothing about where he went. Besides, he wanted her to come to the cafe. It would be safe for her to see him at work. They'd be in public and he'd be so busy working he could just enjoy her presence. Would she smile at him? He hoped so.  
  
He'd tell her in the morning. Maybe she'd come after school. Right then, he had to get through the night. He read exhaustively and when he found that sleep wasn't coming and dark thoughts were lingering like shadows he decided to take some of the sleeping pills Yuri had given him. He went to the kitchen for some water. As he passed Eri's room he thought he heard the rustling of pages, though her lights were out. He shrugged this off. There had to be an explanation. He took the sleeping pills and went to sleep.

* * *

Tei resolved not to use the sleeping pills again after he started working. If he couldn't sleep, he'd just have to do some chores or something. He woke up the next morning feeling like he had a hangover: sick to his stomach and with a pounding headache. Somehow this did not stop him from getting ready for school and making breakfast. Though when Yeonho came and offered to help, he gladly let him do most of the work with his careful supervision and coaching. He wanted desperately to make eggs that were rabbit shaped since he knew Eri liked it. Even Red decided to pitch in, though Tei made sure had actually washed before he touched the food. Tei's headache started to clear up and breakfast was entertaining as usual; taking pot shots at Yuri for his facemask (he was a rather handsome bachelor ghost if Tei had to be honest), making sure Red and Lance didn't kill each other, keeping Eri from being kidnapped by Yuri into his cab. He wondered if the girls at school would fawn over them as much if they knew they were just a bunch of goofballs at home. They were pretty much like average guys. As chance would have it, he and Eri were putting their shoes on to leave at the same time.  
  
"I forgot to tell you, I got a job," he said. She looked up from her shoes in shock. He wasn't sure why she was worried.  
  
"Oh...I see. It's not going to be too much for you, is it?" she asked.  
  
"No, not at all," he said. She looked back at her shoes and continued putting them on.  
  
"Where are you working?" she asked.  
  
"At a cafe. It's called Banjul," he said.  
  
She nodded furrowed her brow, "I always assumed you'd be in a bookstore since you like books."  
  
He laughed. Under normal circumstances, yes, he would have liked to work at a bookstore. He needed something to keep him busy, more fast paced. The cafe was perfect.  
  
"You'll like it. Please come," he said. He gave her very detailed instructions and had her repeat them to him. He wanted to make sure she knew how to get there and see him. He hoped he didn't come across as too desperate. If he had, she didn't notice. He felt like there were two versions of himself fighting inside. There was the one that wanted to keep her safe and comfortable. Then there was the other that wanted to hurt her and control her in the worst ways imaginable. And he didn't want to know how vast his harmful side's imagination was. It scared him too much. Sometimes his dark side manifested in a desire to be around her, but his good side had this as well. When he chose to be around her, he wasn't sure which side he was indulging. He hoped he was doing the right thing by inviting her to come see him.

* * *

He now understood how Yeonho felt waiting for Eri to come home. Everytime the bell rang at Banjul, indicating a new customer, Tei hoped it was her. It had only been one day, but he thought he was going to lose his mind. Maybe he was too non chalant about her coming? Maybe he was too desperate and she wanted some space. Either way he felt slightly dejected by the time his shift was over. He was surprised upon coming home to find her sitting at the kitchen table working on her homework instead of in her room. She shouted a greeting across the room. He wasn't sure if he wanted to talk to her right then but he was still just happy to see her.  
  
"I'm sorry I didn't come to your cafe today. I wanted to take Soi and Shinbi, but they were too busy. Maybe I'll be by tomorrow?" she said. He felt relief when he heard why she hadn't come and he couldn't help but grin at her.  
  
"Whenever you feel like coming, we'll be happy to have you," he said. He found new energy to cook dinner. As he expected, his knee hurt quite a bit, but he could push though it. Once he sat down, he'd be better. As they ate together it was as though Eri were enveloped in a halo of warmth and light. He felt contentment wash over him, though he knew he was unworthy of her. He was honestly exhausted, tonight she would be safe from him. He had so much to do after dinner. There were no more agonizing hours to think about her beyond this beautiful feeling he had right then.  
  
By the time Tei settled in for the night, Yuri was still absent, he had sleeping pills on the desk just in case, but he was spent. He still read obsessively, but he actually fell asleep reading for once. For the first time, he was able to recreate that silent blackness from the first time he'd ever fallen asleep.

* * *

He never forgot the first time Eri came to Banjul. He had stopped looking every time the door chimed, but this time he knew. He saw Zion greet them, he knew one of her friends was going to gape, but all he saw was her. The mask he often wore for work could not remain, not when she was around. He had to smile at her as gently as he did when they were at home when he greeted her.  
  
He didn't wait their table, but he was overjoyed when she took his suggestion when ordering. Candied Lemon Tea. He had helped to make it, he knew she'd love it. She was with her friends and he was happy just to have her there giving him energy like she couldn't imagine. His knee hurt, some customers were difficult, but it was worth it to know she was with him. They caught eyes a few times and he felt his heart race.  
  
She left with gifts for the other guys, but he didn't mind. He had received his gift in full. She waved to him as her friends went ahead of her and he waved back.  
  
So far, so good. He could do this.

* * *

He woke up screaming in the middle of the night. Yuri was awake and had a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Another nightmare?" Yuri asked. Tei just put a hand on his head and fell back on the bed. There was a knock on the door and he tensed. Had he woken up Eri?  
  
"Is everything all right?" a male voice called. It was Lance.  
  
"It's fine. I was just watching a horror anime is all," Yuri said.  
  
"I'm pretty sure I heard...never mind. Just keep it down. Not everybody sleeps like the red monkey and Eri," he said. Tei looked curiously up at Yuri. He looked down and shrugged.  
  
"Just saving face for you," he said. "Go take care of yourself."  
  
Tei got up. The dream wasn't as disturbing as the last few, just scary. He went to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. Yeonho stirred his his sleep.  
  
"Tei?" he said softly. Tei came over and kneeled so he was eye level with Yeonho. He stroked his hair.  
  
"I thought I heard a scream. Is everything O.K.?" Yeonho asked.  
  
"Everything's fine. Go back to sleep," Tei said. Yeonho smiled sleepily and curled back up and slept immediately.  
  
Tei started toward his room. He stopped in front of Eri's room and put a hand on her door. His hand was shaking as he recalled the events of the dream. He was about to go back to his room when he heard flipping pages. He put his ear to the door.  
  
"No. No. I can't decide which of these I hate more..." a male voice said. "I need more time to decide."  
  
Tei cracked open the door. No one was in the room except Eri who was sleeping so soundly she didn't even notice he'd opened the door. He looked around carefully, but she started to stir. He wanted to go in and check her closet but if she woke up he didn't want to scare her by being in her room and having to explain his (probably) paranoid thoughts. He shut the door quickly and went to his room. She didn't open her door, so maybe she was just stirring. He'd have to keep tabs on what was going on. He knew he heard a voice in there. Now he was too worried to sleep. He pretended to for Yuri's sake, but now he simply couldn't. His ears strained to hear anything coming from Eri's room.  
  
There might be something more dangerous to Eri than himself.


	3. Chapter 3

III.  
  
By now, staggering to the kitchen late at night was a bit of a practice. Tei could make the trip even with his eyes maddened and bleary. He gripped the faucet tighly before he turned it. It felt like he had Eri's neck in his hands. It was so real he thought he'd wake up and find her in his bed, lips blue, neck bruised, and eyes blank. He was relieved to wake up to Yuri after every nightmare. He'd calm him down, but never ask what he dreamed. If Tei spoke in his sleep, he wondered what Yuri thought of him. He filled a glass with water and took a long sip, hoping the water would help lessen the shaking. He heard Yeonho stirring on the couch again. Poor boy. If Tei kept on interrupting his sleep like this he'd feel very guilty. He knelt beside him and smoothed his hair. He was surprised to find it damp with sweat.  
  
"I'm sorry, Master," he mumbled. Tei waited and held his hand. Yeonho continued to mumble apologies.  
  
"It's so hot...It hurts..." he said. He whimpered and started to cry. He awoke with a start and looked down at his hand, the one Tei was holding.  
  
"Tei...it's you..." Yeonho said. "I just had a bad dream. Was I too loud? Did I wake up Master?"  
  
"No, I was awake and I saw you. Are you scared?" he asked.  
  
"A little bit..."  
  
"Do you want to talk about it?" Tei asked.  
  
"It's just...Master was...in my dream...it hurt so badly," he said. Tei's eyes widened. Eri was hurting him?  
  
"You know she would never hurt you," Tei said.  
  
Yeonho bowed his head, "I know...but if she wanted to hurt me I would let her. If it made her happy."  Tei hugged him. Yeonho returned the hug and sobbed a little.  "I don't know why I'm telling you this. I just want her to be happy no matter what. No mater what the cost is," he said. Tei stroked his hair and sighed.  
  
"Don't make her cry by saying things like that. The only thing you can do to make her happy is to find ways to be happy yourself," he said.  
  
"I don't want her to leave me alone. I don't want to be alone..." he said. Tei held him closer. The ache in Yeonho's voice mirrored the ache he felt whenever Eri was around.  
  
"She loves you too much. I don't think she'd leave you alone. But even if she did, you always have me," Tei said. Yeonho looked up at him in surprise.  
  
"You? You care about me too?" he said. Tei ruffled his blond hair.  
  
"Of course I do."  
  
"But you're so perfect, Tei. You're handsome, smart, and do everything right. Why do you care about me?" he said. Tei ran his hand over Yeonho's arm.  
  
"Because I understand the pain these caused better than you know," he said. Yeonho held him tighter and started to bawl into his chest. Tei held Yeonho until he fell asleep in his arms. Tei knew the anguish of being unworthy. No one should have to go through the guilt and shame he was going through, least of all Yeonho. He also didn't want Yeonho to make Eri worry by telling her such horrible things. Tei covered Yeonho with his blankets on the couch and started back for his room. He shuddered to think of telling Eri what  _he_  had been thinking. At least Yeonho's dark fantasies involved pain upon himself. Tei had wanted to hurt  _her_. It was so selfish for him to think of only himself like that, not to mention how she couldn't possibly trust him. She could never know. If anything could separate him from her it was for her to know just how dirty he was. Yuri opened the door and sighed in relief when he saw Tei.  
  
"I was worried when you didn't come back," he said. Tei felt too numb to say anything.  
  
"Yeonho had a nightmare of his own. I let him tell me about it," he said. Yuri sat on their shared bed.  
  
"I see. Dispell the fears of children but let yours linger and tear you apart," he said. Tei crawled under the sheets.  
  
"You don't want to know what I think about," Tei said. Yuri turned so he could look at him.  
  
"I know I don't. But I also don't want you to hurt her or yourself. Maybe if you told me something, even a little bit, it could be more manageable for you," he said.  
  
"I...I can't. It doesn't matter what happens to me anyway," he said and turned on his side so he wouldn't have to look at Yuri.  
  
Yuri grabbed his shoulder and pinned him to the mattress.  
  
"Listen, you idiot. I don't know how many times I have to tell you but I'm not going to let you hurt her by hurting yourself," Yuri said. Tei couldn't look him in the eye but nodded absently. Yuri moved and opened his laptop.  "Now I have my shows to watch. And I'm going to stay awake until you fall asleep. Is that clear?" he said. Tei nodded and closed his eyes. How hypocritical. He had just told Yeonho not to say horrible things about hurting himself and there he was saying the same things. Tei most certainly did not want Yuri to hold him until he fell asleep, but the absent minded vigil he kept was enough.

* * *

Tei had started breakfast by the time Yeonho came into the kitchen. He smiled brightly.  
  
"Good morning!" Yeonho said. "Can I help you today?"  
  
"Hm...can you make sure Eri is awake?" Tei said.  
  
"Of course!" he said and bounded off.  
  
Tei had one hope. That Eri was deeply loved and protected by someone. Lance, Red, Yuri or Yeonho, anyone. It didn't matter. Maybe if he encouraged and cared for Yeonho, there'd be another chance for her to be happy. If Tei worked hard and put her happiness over his own and thought of her safety before his crazed desires, she'd be safe. He gripped the ladle he was stirring with so hard he could feel the metal bend. No, that wouldn't do. He decided to put on the tea and be more constructive about his pent up feelings.  
  
That was another thing he was finding slightly disturbing. He was unusually strong. He had all that strength and he could easily, oh so easily, forcibly take Eri and make her his. Yuri joked (only partially, Tei wa sure), but Tei felt like he was one wrong word away from actually doing so. How deeply would she be hurt if he violated her trust like that? He invented a few new chores to do, forcing the others to go ahead of him. He did things in a frenzy of precision. He dusted shelves, folded laundry, washed dishes and then headed to school. He just couldn't be around her. If they walked to school together, he'd be too tempted to throw her over his shoulder and run away. Today was just a bad day and he didn't have work until the evening. He wasn't sure what he was going to do with nothing to distract him. School would be a relief. At least he'd have school to distract him from her.

* * *

There was a decided refuge in information, Tei couldn't explain it. Forced to absorb all these facts thrown at him at once was an excellent escape. It was like a neat wall of white bricks hid his dark side for a while and he could relax. He decided to walk home with Red who was, of course, surrounded by girls and all too happy to take all the chocolate candy they were offering. He had his fair share of girls sure, but he systematically refused them all. He watched Red mostly in silence, until he saw Eri run up to him. He came over then. She was panting and she looked up pleadingly at Red as he offered her candy. Her alarm was much too clear for him to ignore, even with all the girls staring at his every move. Tei came over and put a hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Did something happen?" he asked.  
  
"Yeonho is missing," she said.  
  
Tei was a bit thunderstruck. That was certainly worrisome. Lance caught up with them and they started to go through details. All the while Eri teared up more and more. If everyone wasn't watching, he would have hugged her until she felt better. Did he even deserve to comfort her? As he debated within himself, Red and Lance stepped in to console her. Tei was a bit troubled. He was slightly worried that Yeonho had made good on his promise to do anything to make sure Eri was happy. He hoped he hadn't done anything drastic but if he had, he didn't want Eri to be the one to find him. Because if she had to see Yeonho like that...  
  
He was beginning to understand why Yuri was so adamant about Tei not hurting himself. Regardless of what he was inside, Eri cared about him. She wouldn't see a monster that was vanquished, she would see her beloved doll, a friend, broken and dead.  
  
"I'll ask Yuri to check the building. Lance, Red, check the school grounds. I'll look on near by streets," he said.  
  
"And me? What should I do?" Eri asked.  
  
"You should go home," Tei said.  
  
"But..." she said.  
  
"Yeonho might have gone home. We need someone there to inform us if he has," he said.  
  
She looked down, "But Tei..."  
  
"Please go home. We'll take care of it," he said.  Eri seemed resigned to agree, until a strange cat began to rub its body against her legs. He was a little surprised.  "Street cats aren't usually this friendly."  
  
Eri's eyes lit up, "A cat!"  
  
It ran off and she chased after it. He sighed. At least she was out of the way.  
  
"Lance, go after her and make sure she gets home," he said. "We'll take care of things here."  
  
Lance didn't need to be told twice. Red searched the grounds as told and Tei went inside to tell Yuri what happened. He found Yuri in the music room packing up for the day.  
  
"Oh? Fancy seeing you here," he said.  
  
"Yuri, something's happened," Tei said.  
  
Yuri's face actually looked serious for once, "Is Eri all right?"  
  
"Yes, she's fine. Yeonho's gone missing."  
  
Yuri frowned, "Oh, the chick."  
  
"Can you look for him in the building?" Tei asked.  
  
"Sure. But can't we just call someone to find him?" Yuri said.  
  
"No,  _we_  need to find him."  
  
Yuri crossed his arms, "No,  _you_  need to stay busy."  
  
Tei glared at him, "Eri was worried and crying. How can I not help her?"  
  
"And calling someone isn't helping?" Yuri said.  Tei grabbed his collar but Yuri didn't seem to be intimidated.  "Are your thoughts really so bad?"  
  
"You have no idea..." Tei growled.  
  
"If this show of force is any indication, I might," he said. That startled Tei enough to release him. Yuri smoothed his suit and crossed his arms.  
  
"All right, Prince Sunshine, you have to let me know something. What is it that is so bad you literally can't bear to stop working long enough to think about it?" he asked.  
  
"I can't...I can't tell you," he said drawing away and averting his gaze. Yuri took a step toward him.  
  
"Let me guess. You want to have rough, passionate sex with her?" he asked.  
  
"Stop it," Tei said.  
  
"Oh, that's it. You're afraid of deflowering your little angel."  
  
"Stop it."  
  
"I never took you to be such a prude. All those books you read, I was sure some of them were bound to be a little steamy."  
  
"Stop it."  
  
"You just want to kiss her until her lips are swollen, and explore every inch of her, and you want to see if she screams when you--"  
  
Tei slammed him against the wall and gripped his shoulders tightly. He forced himself to breathe evenly but that was difficult.  
  
"I can't...do any of that..." he said.  
  
"I see," Yuri said. Tei couldn't look him in the eye but he continued to grip his shoulders. If he was hurting Yuri, he didn't react.  
  
"I can't even touch her," Tei said.  
  
"Or she'll be ruined?" Yuri asked.  
  
"Yes. She'll be dirty forever," he said.  
  
"Just like you?"  
  
Tei released Yuri and turned away from him.  
  
"Yes. Just like me..." he said. Now Tei was shaking. "How did you know?"  
  
"You talk in your sleep sometimes. I pieced together a few things. But that's not the whole story."  
  
Tei gripped is hair and shook his head, "No. No. I can't tell you..."  
  
Yuri put a hand on his shoulder, "All right, all right."  
  
"Did you tell her? Did you tell her what I am?" Tei said. He wanted more than anything to choke Yuri right there just to make sure she never found out.  
  
"Why would I tell her something like that? It's between you and her," he said.  
  
Tei bit one of his fingers and started to pace around the music room.  
  
"I've got to keep her safe," he said more to himself than to Yuri. "I've got to keep her happy. She's sad right now because Yeonho's gone. I have to find him or she'll be hurt. I have to find him. Then she'll be happy. I've got to keep her safe. Got to keep her safe. Got to...to..."  
  
Yuri put a hand on his shoulder, "I heard you. Let's focus on finding Yeonho. And then you have work today. If we don't find him before it's time for you to go, I'll take care of it."  
  
Tei nodded. Focus on the present. Yuri's phone buzzed and he checked his messages.  
  
"Ah, they found him. Let's go home," Yuri said.  
  
"Yeah," Tei said. He was a bit upset about not being the one to find him. Though he could feel his composure returning slightly, he was still feeling a little shaky.  
  
"Do you want to walk or take a cab with me?" Yuri asked.  
  
"I'll take a cab. I'll be on my feet all night and I need to at least start my homework before I leave. The cab will save time," Tei said. A linear plan. This calmed him a bit more.  
  
"Good. I'll have an ice pack ready for your knee when you get back. I'll say I'm trying an overnight ice facial or something if Eri asks," Yuri said.  
  
They went outside the building and found Red running toward them. Tei was actually grateful to have Red there to talk.  
  
"I'm sorry, Commander. I looked everywhere but I couldn't find Yellow at all," Red said with a salute.  
  
"Good work, Red. Yeonho was found. We're going home now to reprimand him," Tei said.  
  
"Go easy on him, Commander," Red said. Yuri rolled his eyes and hailed a cab. Tei let Red endlessly chatter and annoy Yuri. He found that it was so odd how Yuri got easily annoyed by Red's sentai rants, but didn't seem to realize he was a walking cheesy shoujo romance stereotype himself. They arrived home and found Yeonho, Lance and Eri waiting for them. Yeonho was cradling a cat. Apparently Yeonho can talk to animals as part of his concept and he explained the situation to them.  
  
"He's such a cute little guy. His name is John, short for Johnston," Yeonho said. All of them, except for Red visibly stiffened, and Tei hoped Yeonho wouldn't notice. Of course he did.  
  
"Why is everyone acting weird? Is there something wrong with the name?" he asked.  
  
"I think it's cute. John, Johnston. What's wrong?" Red said. They both turned to Eri and she turned her eyes to him. He didn't even want to think about having this conversation in front of Eri. Fortunately, Yuri saved them. Tei had to be honest, Yuri was saving him a lot these days.  
  
Red dropped the subject.  
  
"You all need to listen to my rousing song for cleansing your dirty minds!" he said. Tei flinched when he heard that and eyed Red suspiciously. No, Red was too simple to know what his words meant. Tei made dinner and started his homework before heading to Banjul. As he started to leave, he saw John sitting outside. He smiled a little and knelt down. John came right up to him and placed his paws on his knee. Tei stroked his ears and he purred a little.  
  
"You're quite charming. I suppose Banjul can use a mascot like you. If I can convince Mr. Hobin, that is," he said. He carried the cat all the way to the cafe, unsure of whether or not it was a good idea to ask Mr. Hobin to keep him on. John meowed as they went up the stairs and Tei chuckled. As he came to the top of the stairs, Hobin seemed to materialize before him.  
  
"I heard a cat," he said. His eyes were not on Tei at all, but on John.  
  
"Yes, this is John," Tei began. "He needs a home and--"  
  
Hobin already had John in his arms and cradled him.  
  
"Yes. He can stay here," he said.  
  
Tei was a little dumbfounded. The impression he had of Hobin was that he was a smooth, reserved person. He had never expected him to get so excited over a cat. Well, as excited as Hobin could get, which was still nothing compared to other people.  
  
"Well? I'm taking care of this guy. You go get your work started," Hobin said and shooed Tei away.   
  
"Thank you," Tei said. Hobin didn't hear him over the sound of John's purring.

* * *

Tei came home with some tea, hoping to be able to make some for Eri in the morning and report than John was now in a safe home. There was a dull ache in his knee and he was all too eager to crawl into bed. As he put away the tea, he glanced over at Yeonho. He seemed to be sleeping peacefully tonight. Tei sighed in relief. He picked up his bag and headed down the hall. As he passed Eri's room, he heard humming. But it was a deeper voice than Eri's.  
  
"Let's just take care of this," the voice said. There was a tearing sound. Someone was definitely in there and doing something.  
  
"Oh, I don't like this either," it continued. More ripping. Tei opened the door. Eri was asleep, but no one else was inside. He saw Eri's diary lying open on the desk. He dared to walk in and take a look. He turned a few pages. He couldn't read a thing, all the words were smudged, and a few pages were torn out. Had Eri torn them out herself? Or was it the person who's strange voice he heard in here? Tei opened her closet. No one was hiding inside. He heard Eri sit up in her bed.  
  
"Tei!" she cried. He froze. He had no way to explain this to her. Especially since no one was there. The ripped diary was not enough evidence. Much to his relief, she fell back and curled up again.  
  
"No, Tei. That's too much syrup," she said. He walked over to her side and smoothed her hair. She was dreaming.  
  
"I'm sorry," he whispered.  
  
"I don't like that much syrup..." she mumbled.  
  
He rubbed her shoulder until he was certain she was asleep and glared suspiciously around her room. The voice wasn't any of the other guys, he was sure, but someone was definitely out to hurt her. He wasn't sure exactly how, but he knew.  
  
"I have to keep you, safe Eri. I have to keep you safe. I won't let him hurt you," he said.  
  
 _Not before me._  
  
Not now. Not when she needed protection. He left her room quickly and went to his own. Focus, focus! How could he protect her from the person who ripped her diary? He had to be with her every night. He had to be there to watch over her. At least on the nights when Yuri wasn't home. Yuri wouldn't believe he was trying to protect her. He had to wake her every morning and make sure she was safe. He had to see her first, the others wouldn't know what to do if something happened to her. She would never just let him stand over her. What if woke up to see him? What would she think?  
  
"What if I could guerantee she wouldn't wake up?" Tei said to himself. He wondered how...  
  
Now his brain was so full of worry he couldn't sleep. He went to the desk to his drawer and took out the bottle of sleeping pills. As he was about to open it, he got an idea.


	5. Chapter 5

IV.

Tei couldn’t sleep for very long. He tried, but he had nightmares again. This time instead of him being the one hurting Eri someone else was. After the third time Eri died a horrible death, he decided enough was enough and he got up to do something. It was about four thirty in the morning. He started the laundry, but that got done much too quickly. School wouldn’t be open for hours, he’d done all his homework, he’d even studied ahead, he was in no mood to read.

He decided just to put on a pot of tea and think. He sat in the kitchen as the water heated and attempted to will the clock into being a reasonable time. No use, It was still early, about five in the morning. If he didn’t act soon, he’d be alone with his paranoid thoughts. All these threats toward Eri and he had to protect her from them. At the same time he was the most dangerous to her, the most present and she’d let him get the closest to hurt her because she trusted him. He wanted to be near her so bad and just hold her tighter and tighter…and tighter…

There was a soft sigh and this shook him from the dark turn his thoughts were starting to take. Yeonho’s phone was buzzing and he turned off his alarm. Tei glanced at him and breathed in relief. A distraction. Yeonho sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"Oh, Tei! I was hoping I would wake up earlier than you and get breakfast started. Oh, well. There’s no beating you!" he said. Tei couldn’t help but smile at him.

"I have an idea," Tei said. "Since we’re both up so early, why don’t we make a big breakfast? We’ll make all the things Eri likes."

Yeonho seemed to perk up at the suggestion.

"That’s an excellent idea!" he said clapping his hands. The two got started. Tei only left Yeonho alone so he could get ready for school. When he returned, he told Yeonho that he would be able to finish from here. He finished breakfast just in time. Tei knew Eri’s alarm clock would go off and he wanted to be the first to see her that day. He hoped if he arrived in her room a few minutes early, maybe he could wake her himself.

"I’m going to go wake Eri, Yeonho. Can you finish plating these?" he asked.

"Of course," Yeonho said.

He walked to her door and knocked first. When he got no response, he assumed she was asleep and opened the door just a bit.

"Eri?" he said. Still no answer. He dared to open the door and found her still asleep, much to his amusement. As he got closer his amusement faded. Eri’s eyes were squeezed shut and she was tossing and turning. He put a hand on her shoulder and shook her.

"Eri. Eri! Wake up!" he said. She had broken out in a cold sweat. Tei shook her again and this time she sat up quickly, breathing hard

"Eri, are you all right?" he said. She blinked her eyes rapidly and pressed her hand over her chest.

"Ugh…a nightmare again…" she mumbled.  
  
Again? This had him more worried than he was before. He put his hand against her forehead.

"You don’t feel feverish. But if you’re not feeling well you should stay home. I’ll call the academy and tell them you’re ill," he said.

She shook her head, “No. I can’t stay home because of a nightmare! It’s time to get ready for school.”

She tried to enthusiastically jump out of bed, but she lost her footing and fell back. He held her close as she held her head.

"Just a little dizzy, that’s all," she said. Tei looked cautiously at the diary on her desk. Did it have something to do with her condition? He closed his arms around her a little tighter. He looked back down at her. Her cheeks were red now and he was more alarmed. He put his hand on her forehead again.

"Still not feverish. So why are your cheeks so red?" he asked.

"U-um…that’s…" she stammered. Now she couldn’t speak. If only he could force her to stay home.

"T-Tei! I just want to go to school," she said.

Tei sighed, “All right.”

He helped her stand, but didn’t feel good about letting her go. He held out his arm to her and she sighed and took it.

"You don’t have to do this," she said. He managed a laugh despite his intense worry.

"I helped you get this far. Or do I have to come in with you?" he said.  _Don’t tempt me, I certainly will_ , he thought.

"No! I’m fine. I’ll be ready for breakfast soon," she said quickly and shut the door. He sighed.  _Good girl. Stay away from me and don’t let me too close._

He was still troubled over Eri, but there were so many other things to do. Get dressed, finish breakfast. Yes, breakfast had to be perfect for her. Tei cooked pretty much anything he knew she liked. Now he was glad. He hadn’t been aware of Eri’s frequent nightmares. He had been so busy avoiding her, he hadn’t been looking out for her at all. He was so concerned about his dark thoughts that he hadn’t given a thought to protecting her. What a horrid, selfish person he was. So dirty, so dirty…

He closed his eyes for a moment. Before him was the food for Eri’s breakfast. He had to concentrate. He had to make the plating perfect down to every detail. It was all about her and how he could keep her safe.  _But you want her so bad…_

He held his head, “Concentrate. Concentrate.”

Someone was trying to hurt Eri. He didn’t know who it was. It wasn’t just the voice. There was Yuri. He wasn’t just helping Tei for his own good, no. Yuri wanted to find something on him, to tell Eri all that he was and separate them forever. Yuri didn’t even want Tei to be around to keep her safe. He wondered if Yuri still had his suicide note. Yuri couldn’t have all the cards. If he ever threatened to tell Eri, Tei needed something to hold over him. He needed to talk to all the teachers and see what they knew, everyone in the office. Everyone. Yuri would not win.

Though she was at the center of all his turmoil, Eri’s smiling face when she came into the kitchen gave his disquieting thoughts a pause. He had an action, a focus. Her. Keep her smiling. He pulled out a chair for her.

“Please, sit here,” he said. She sat down, her seat was near his. He set the plates before her and her eyes sparkled in anticipation. Oh how that warmed his heart.

“This is an awful lot,” she said. “It looks so good!”

“Tei’s been working hard on this for hours,” Yeonho said. Tei shot him a glare that he didn’t notice and then studied Eri’s reaction. Her eyes widened in surprise and she turned to him.

“That’s a lot of trouble,” she said.

He set a cup of tea before her, “I’m a little worried about you. That’s all.”

“Oh, the nightmares? It’s nothing to worry about,” she said. He wanted to tell her that it was all he was going to worry about but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he sat down at the head of the table, watching her from the corner of his eye. She ate her food, and he was noting how much and her expression as she ate. No nausea it seemed and she ate fairly well. Red and Lance finally joined them at the table, already in a heated argument by the time they arrived. Tei was thankful for the distraction and did his best to mediate. Eri and Yeonho were speaking among themselves. So far so good.

Then,  _he_  arrived. Yuri came in to add more confusion.

“Oh, good morning Yeonho. I never thought you’d try and steal my honey,” he said. Tei glared at him.

“Stop playing around. You’re in a good mood this morning,” Tei said sharply.

Yuri sighed and sat down, “You’re always nagging. You’re going to get really old talking like that all the time.”

“Ah, since you know this, maybe you should help me stop. I have a feeling if I die a nagging induced death, it might be all your fault.”

“Don’t blame me!” Yuri said.

Tei stopped eating, “I think you’re in a bit of a rush aren’t you, Yuri. You might not even have time to eat my wonderful breakfast. Who knows, you might get so hungry you’ll be reduced to eating junk food. Just what will that do for your complexion...”

Yuri glared at him and guarded his plate.

“You were a snake in your past life,” he grumbled.

“Snakes were influential in human history. You’re so sweet,” Tei said.

“Ugh, I don’t even want to talk to you…” Yuri said.

Tei only smiled and continued his breakfast. Maybe he’d shut up for the rest of the morning.

“Face it, Yuri. You’re giving up because you know you can’t beat Tei,” Eri said.

“Wait, wait! That’s not it at all. I just don’t want to deal with nasty things this morning,” Yuri said.

Tei felt as though time stopped for an eternity. He almost dropped his chopsticks. He narrowed his eyes as he looked up at Yuri.

“Careless words lead to tragedy. The world might be a much better place if people would just keep their mouths shut,” Tei said. For once, Tei couldn’t read Yuri’s reaction. It was almost as though he was going to say something, but instead he was silent. Tei had a sneaking suspicion that Yuri found him intimidating, but he had never been sure of how much. Now he was certain he had a bit of pull with him. Tei would not settle for a little control. He needed to be sure that he could keep Yuri silent. He needed something to keep him quiet, but what?

“You’re the devil,” Yuri grumbled.

Eri only laughed at the exchange. Tei was relieved she did not detect the hostility.

“It seems your arch nemesis is Tei,” she said.

“It’s not that I can’t beat him!” Yuri said. “I just can’t be bothered.”

Eri giggled and Yuri continued to grumble. Tei did not like to be called someone’s arch nemesis it was too close to what he actually was. Someone evil and dirty. He had to deflect to someone else.

“Actually, I think Yuri’s nemesis is you, Eri. You have a lot of power over him,” Tei said. He hadn’t wanted to make her seem evil, but it was a touch more innocent in nature.

“Of course I do what she wants,” Yuri said. “My honey is special. Chosen by the goddess of beauty like me, but you seem to know this. Just look at all the food you’re giving her.”

“Yes, yes…” Tei said, turning to her. “Eri is very special. So special…”

For a moment, he found himself lost in her. He took in everything about her, the way her hair fell, the look in her eyes, the shape of her nose, the color of her lips. He had to ground himself back in reality. He picked up his napkin and held it up to her.

“Here,” he said, holding it toward her lips. She gasped.

“Is there something my face?” she asked.

“Yeah. Oh, it’s gone now,” he said. He couldn’t help but smile at her. He wondered if it was only because he knew she would return it. He had only been vaguely aware of Red staring at Eri. As he did not consider Red an immediate threat to her safety, he didn’t find himself overly concerned.

“Red, why are you staring at me? Do I still have food on my face?” she asked.

“You know…” he said.

“What?” Eri asked. Tei was getting a little curious as to what he had to say.

“I think you act differently around the commander,” he said.

“I do?” she said and tilted her head to one side.

Tei had half a mind to slap the back of Red’s head. He held fast. Physical violence against the innocent would not become him. Red folded his arms and nodded.

“You smile a lot more when the commander is around,” Red said. Though the thought that he made her happy made Tei’s chest tight, he knew that couldn’t be all Red was implying. However, he allowed him to continue for now and studied Eri’s reaction.

“Don’t be weird, Red!” Eri said.

“I’m serious! You’re more careless with us! I think you like the commander. Well? Do you?”

“N-no!” she said. Her face turned red and she glanced at him in embarrassment. Of course. She’d be ashamed to be his, as she should be. She avoided looking at him. He’d spare her the disgrace of thinking about this any further.

“Stop playing around now. We’re going to be late for school,” he said. Eri agreed and started to get up. Her phone chimed and she reached into her pocket. She froze and a look of alarm crossed her face. He hoped she hadn’t received bad news.

“W-who’s phone is this?” she asked. Somehow, that question struck him with more terror than anything else she could have said.

“It’s yours,” Lance said. “We all have one because you insisted.”

Red held out his, “See. I have one too. What’s up with you? Don’t you remember?”

“I’m starting to get very concerned,” Tei said. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay home?”

Yuri pushed them all aside and put his hand on her forehead to check for a fever. Instinctively, Tei wanted to break his hand for touching her but he was preoccupied with the plates. Besides, the only thing that could cause Eri more distress would be if he caused a scene like that. She cared about Yuri just like she cared for all of them. Still the contact bothered him enough to force him to step in both for her health and to make Yuri leave her alone. He put his hand on her shoulder and she looked up at him. Yuri moved away slightly and Tei could feel his glare.

“You had a nightmare this morning too. Are you sure you don’t want to stay home?” he asked. He would have begged her to stay home so he could take care of her but he decided asking would be enough for now.

She shook her head, “No. I’m fine. It’s not that I don’t remember at all, just…I’m fine!”

Tei was in no way convinced.

“You’re bad at lying,” Lance said.

She laughed nervously, “W-we’re going to be late guys!”

Tei sighed. She was right. What was more, at school he could keep a better eye on her if something happened. She hurried to her room to get her bag and he went to the kitchen to finish cleaning. Before he left there were just a few things he needed from the cabinet. Lance, Yeonho, and Red all ran out before the. Tei caught up with Eri just before she left.

“Wait,” he said. She turned expectantly. It had been the first time she’d made direct eye contact since Red’s question. If only she knew how her looks sent him into both the heights of joy and the depths of despair.

“Your ribbon’s crooked,” he said.

“Oh, again?” she said. He fixed it for her, savoring their close proximity. Her ribbon was not that bad in all honesty, but he wanted this moment with her. These were all he was allowed to have. He could only love her like this.

“I made dinner for you. I won’t be home tonight, so make sure and eat it. I don’t want you to skip meals, now,” he said.

* * *

 

School was mostly the same old same old. Class, daily confessions, gifts he had to refuse. A confession during lunch period almost made him lose his chance. He slipped out of class with a bag and headed toward the office. He was relieved to see the secretary there by herself. She was eating lunch, but she quickly hid her food when he entered.

“Ah, you’re one of Mr. Yuri’s boys, aren’t you? How can I help?” she asked.

“I just notice you work so hard to keep our school running. So I thought I’d give you some coffee from my job,” he said, holding up a bag of coffee grounds. Her eyes lit up.

“F-for me? You’re too sweet, Tei,” she said. He grinned and she blushed. Worked every time.

“I’m just imitating Mr. Yuri’s generous behavior,” he said.

Her smile died a little. He hit something.

“Oh. Ah…I’m sure Mr. Yuri is very good to you boys but…just don’t imitate all of his behavior. Especially you, Tei. You’re much too good,” she said. Tei did his best imitation of a wide eyed teenager.

“Is Mr. Yuri bad?” he asked.

“No! Not really just…” she said. Tei might have pressed her more, but decided to go for a smoother approach.

“You would let me know if anyone around me was dangerous? You care about me as as student, right?” he said.

“Yes! Of course! Mr. Yuri’s a bit…interesting, but he’s not dangerous. If anything, I’d look out for that nurse…” she said.

“Mr. Yujin?”

“Yes. He’s creepy with that skeleton he always talks to. He always picks on that girl too. What was her name? The principal’s little neighbor girl…”

Tei clenched his fists, but she was focused on his face which was utterly calm.

“I see. I’ll look out for him in the future,” he said. “I have to go eat lunch now. I will talk to you again I hope!”

She adjusted her glasses, “Sure! Thank you for the coffee.”

Tei left the office with a few conclusions. One Yujin had to be stopped. Immediately. Two, Yuri had done something that made this woman think he was less than savory. Tei wondered if it had something to do with the envelope he handed her that day when they were signing up for the academy or if it had something to do with where he disappeared to so often during the week. If Yuri was bribing or blackmailing her, then that was certainly grounds for getting Yuri arrested. That could be something he could always hang over Yuri’s head if ever he threatened to tell Eri the truth.

Now he needed proof. The money could be untraceable, especially if it was cash. He needed to see the false documents and secure a confession from the secretary. First to become friends with the people in records. Perhaps that would be a venture he’d pursue the next day. He had been alone with his dark thoughts, fully aware that blackmailing Yuri would make him just as bad as Yuri was. So, whatever image this secretary had of Yuri as this snake in the grass was nothing in comparison to what Tei actually was. Regardless, Tei would not allow Yuri to soil Eri.

_It should only be me_ , he thought. He grabbed his wrist and dug his fingernails into his skin. No. No. Never.

He had to find her. He had to take care of her. He had to see her, for only her happiness could make him fulfilled. He almost felt clean, even if it was only for an instant.

He found her in the crowded lunch room. She didn’t see him at all and he quietly absorbed the calm brought on by her presence. However, that wasn’t going to be enough. He came to her side.

“It seems we have a problem here,” he said, stroking his chin. She looked up at him and managed a quick smile before looking back over the room. “You’re hungry and food is all the way over there.”

She shook her head and crossed her arms, “I’m fine, Tei. You should just take care of yourself anyway. You can get over there easily.”

“Really? You think I have magical powers or something?”

She giggled and it felt like the world became brighter.

“Let’s test that theory,” he said. “What do you want?”

She looked around to see if anyone was looking, “Melon bread.”

“Good. Meet me on the roof,” he said.

She looked around again, hoping no one heard and flashed him another smile before she left. He wondered what he had done to deserve being in her presence. He knew, that just as Eri said, he could essentially part the sea of teenagers and get exactly the snacks he knew she liked. She asked for only one melon bread. He was worried. Was she eating enough? She seemed so tired and faint lately. So he got her a few extra drinks and a burger since he noticed she liked them so much.

He found her sitting in the shade on the roof, just as he expected. Her eyes got wide as he handed her the bag full of food.

“You got all of this?” she said.

“Yes. It was just as you said, when I walked over, everyone just moved when I asked,” he said. She grinned again.

“Thank you so much!” she said. He couldn’t help but smile back. He hoped to create more moments with her like this.

“Would you stop by Banjul today?” he asked.

“I don’t know for sure. I’ll try!” she said.

He opened his mouth to try and persuade her into a more certain answer, when he heard them. Those girls, the ones who seemed to form some sort of fan club for him. Eri’s smile faded.

“Thanks for the food. I’ll eat it in the classroom,” she said.

Tei wanted her to stay. He wanted to be the cruel, heartless person he was on the inside and scare the girls away. At the same time, he had no desire to scare Eri as well. He met the girls with all the charm he could muster and watched Eri escape back downstairs in his peripheral vision. All he could hope for was to see her face later on that afternoon

* * *

 

It was a repeat of his first day at work. Every time Tei heard the door open, he looked to see if it was Eri. He just wanted to see her so bad, it was killing him. Was she eating enough? Was she alone at home with Yuri? What was she thinking about? Would she go to bed at a reasonable time if he didn’t get home early enough? If she went to sleep, would that person come into her room and mess with her diary? How could he possibly keep her safe? If she had just promised to come and even have one cup of tea, he could stop these incessant questions. As much as he needed to protect her from himself, he needed to see her, just to reassure himself that she was safe.

Despite his anxiety growing as the evening wore on, it did not show in the way he treated the customers, or Hobin. Tei was not perfect, however, and he did snipe a little at Zion, but nothing too terrible. It was toward the end of the night, when he was all but ready to run all the way home that he remembered he needed one more thing before he could properly enact his plan. He grabbed a bottle of ZZZ tea leaves and went to Hobin’s office. He was leaning on his desk typing in figures for the day.

“Mr. Hobin?” Tei said.

“Yes?” he said. His eyes never left the computer screen.

“I’m taking a bottle of ZZZ tea. I’ll pay for it on my way out,” Tei said.

“Thank you for telling me. I’ll adjust the inventory accordingly,” Hobin said. Tei left for the night, his thoughts consumed with Eri’s safety. She was looking rather worn and frail lately and her memory lapse worried him. He had to make sure she ate well, and now he could make sure she slept well too. He could also make sure no one hurt her while she slept.

_Leaving you all the time you need to do that yourself,_  he thought. He bit the inside of his mouth so hard he drew blood. Never. He couldn’t. What would give him the right to do that to her?

It was simple. She started the day with food he made and she would end the day with tea he made. He would be the first and last thoughts on her mind.

_Do I even deserve that?_  he wondered. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was that she was cared for. Aside from Yeonho, he didn’t see any of the others jumping at the chance to care for her. None of them even knew she was in danger, that someone was in her room every night.

He arrived home. Most of the boys had gone to sleep, Yuri was out, and there was a light on in Eri’s room. Tei went into the kitchen and set about making tea. Before he gave it to her, he crushed a sleeping pill and stirred it into her tea. He tasted it just to make sure it wouldn’t be so obvious that the tea was drugged. It was a bit bitter, but not too much. She’d never had it before, so she wouldn’t know.

He knocked on the door. His heart pounded. There were so many ways this could go wrong. What if she figured out he was drugging her? What would she think? He would be cast away from her forever, he was sure. For her safety, it was a risk he was willing to take.

“Come in,” she called. He entered and felt a calm wash over him as she saw her at her desk writing. He loved everything about the scene, they way her legs were bent under her chair, the way her back curved, the dreamy look in her eyes as she recorded her thoughts and feelings. Did she ever write about him?

“You’re up pretty late today,” he said.

“Yeah, just writing in my diary,” Eri said. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to Banjul today. Soi and Shinbi just don't seem to have time to go with me.”

“It’s fine. Maybe you can come another day.”

She looked at the tea cup with interest, “What’s that you have there?”

“Just some tea from work, I thought you’d like it,” he said and set it on the desk.

She took the cup in her hands and breathed in the scent before taking a sip. He held his breath. Her lips curved into a smile.

“It’s wonderful, what’s it called?” she asked.

“It’s ZZZ, supposed to help you sleep,” he said.

She laughed and never had a sound been more lovely and painful to him at the same time.

“It’s a funny name,” she said and took another sip.

_Finish it. Finish it,_ he silently begged. Her arm was over her diary. She was getting more and more languid because of the sleeping pills. Perhaps now was the best time for him to get something out of her about it. Maybe she knew something was odd.

“Hey, I’m worried about your diary,” he said.

“M-my diary? Why? Did you read it?” she said quickly and slammed it shut.

“No, no. I mean, it was open on your desk and I was curious, but the words were so blurry I couldn’t make out a thing. Is there something wrong with your eyes?”  She shook her head but slipped her diary into her desk drawer.  “I see. I’ve got to go get ready for tomorrow. Good night."

“Good night,” she replied. As he left, he heard her take another sip of the tea. He told himself not to worry. To just take a shower and she’d be fast asleep. He did just that and when he checked on her after he was in his pajamas, she was knocked out, she had barely made it under her sheets. He adjusted her blankets and rubbed her back as he gazed at her peaceful, sleeping face.

“I thought about you all day today. I missed seeing your face. It’s O.K., I get to see you now. When you’re asleep, I don’t worry about you. I know your safe, and I’m watching over you, my precious owner,” he said. “You are such a good girl. A good, beautiful, clean girl and I…and I…”

He removed his hand and stood up. He started looking though her closet for intruders, going through her desk, even going so far as to check under her bed. All to ignore the one pressing thought that started to get louder and louder.

_I just want you._

When he was satisfied no one was there, he left. He wanted her, he knew he did. He had no claim to her, not when he was like  _this_. No, his relationship with her was fine like this for now. He had to get himself under control. He felt disgusting after he left her room and decided to take another shower.

As the water started running and Tei was curled on the floor of the shower letting the cold water numb his body, a straggly haired boy crawled out of the shadows.

“Stupid boy. He’s getting too nosey. Well, while he’s going through one of his episodes, I’ll have a little fun. Just tear out some days that don’t matter,” he said.

Eri was far too deep in sleep to hear him and Tei was far too deep into his self loathing to check her room again that night.


	6. Chapter 6

V.

* * *

 

Tei gave her pills every night. And every night he carefully checked her room after she fell asleep. Nothing amiss. Only the diary would be affected. He could find no signs of forced entry. He'd keep vigil over her for longer and longer periods of time but always, by the next night, the diary was blurred out, pages torn. And though the idea of someone in her room touching her diary and being so close and able to hurt her drove him mad, he was soothed a little in the morning by watching her wake up. Quite often he denied himself even this pleasure, in favor of allowing Yeonho to wake her. He didn't deserve the privilege of being the first person she saw in the morning. Even unkempt and sluggish he was drawn to her.

But after a week of giving her pills, he was nervous about her waking up. Having taken the sleeping pills himself on multiple occasions, he knew that there were side effects. So, after a week, Tei took it upon himself to wake her. He avoided going in right away. He showered and dressed with care. He made breakfast. He hated that he worked so efficiently. There were no other distractions. He wanted (needed) to see her.

And he entered, checked her diary. More pages missing or blurred. That made him sick just looking at it. He turned and looked at her. She was so beautiful, peaceful, her lips so perfectly pink. So ready to be kissed. He bit his lip and blinked to keep his eyes from getting misty. He wanted to kiss her so bad. It was just the two of them alone in her room. He sat on her bed and draped his arm over her waist and smoothed her hair. She barely stirred and had she not been breathing steadily, he might have thought she was dead. That worried him.

He turned her head a little and her eyelids fluttered a bit, but at last her eyes met his. He felt so complete. Tei hated to admit that he craved her beautiful gold eyes on him, to look on him with love, kindness and acceptance. Her friendly admiration was more than he even deserved. Her eyes weren't quite in focus, but they were trained on him.

“Good morning, Sleepyhead,” he said softly. She opened her eyes and blinked a little. The smile she offered was small, instinctive, and he loved it. He hated himself for loving it, since he could not have her warmth for long.

“Morning,” she mumbled. “Why are you waking me up today?”

He felt the slightest pang of jealousy. Was he not enough? If that was the case then…

“Should I have Yeonho wake you up instead?” he said.

She rubbed her eyes.

“No. I'm glad to see you,” she said. He felt dizzy. She said it so quickly without hesitation. What a good and pure girl. So naive. No idea of what he was really like. Would she still say such things if she knew what he was keeping locked inside? He pushed those feelings aside just to admire her. She was blinking slowly and seemed a touch disoriented. He felt his heart and chest get tight. Maybe drugging her was not a good idea. She was clearly sluggish from the pills.

“Come on, now. Get up. Take my hand,” he said. She took it but her grip was weak. So he grasped her hand firmly and pulled her up. She flopped forward, her head against his chest. So close. He could smell her hair. His heart was on fire. She playfully hit his chest with her fists.

“So mean,” she mumbled.

Still, as close as she was, he was still filled with worry. She was far more out of it than usual and he felt guilt over doing this to her. But what else could he do? She stretched and yawned, her mouth open wide. Despite the fact that he was afraid that she was suffering from side effects from the sleeping pills, she was so cute when she was languid and sleepy. He wanted to actually watch her fall asleep, but he knew she would protest, so he never offered or tried to stay while the drugs took effect. He couldn't help but laugh as she yawned again.

“You're going to turn into The Joker if you keep yawning like that,” he said with a chuckle.

“You're being so mean today,” she said. She shook her head vigorously to try and wake herself up.

He stroked his chin as he regarded her carefully. She seemed to be all right. None of the symptoms she manifested were out of the ordinary. He knew the effects of a few nights of sleeping pills. Maybe he'd lessen her dosage a bit. She put her head back on his chest and closed her eyes. He was torn between screaming and holding her tight. He settled for doing neither.

“I can't trust you to get ready on your own,” he said. She stuck out her tongue.

“I'm getting up!” she said with a pout.

“All right. Get showered and dressed. I'll finish up breakfast,” he said. He left the room.

There were a million thoughts going through his head. Was she suspicious at all about the tea? If she was, she gave no indication. She might catch on. And then what would he say? How could he explain himself? He sighed. All he could do right now was focus on taking care of her. And that meant breakfast. Yeonho worked by his side until mostly everything was done and set the table. Lance arrived just as Tei finished cooking. Red arrived chatting a mile a minute about his play. Tei listened very much like a busy parent. And finally Eri arrived, a bit more alert than when he left her. His day was perfect just from seeing her.

And no sooner had she sat down and joined the conversation about Red's play did Yuri come. But honestly, Tei refused to allow Yuri to ruin his good mood.

“Good morning, My Honey. Did you sleep well?” he asked. Tei tried not to glare. He knew where this was going.

“I did. What about you?” Eri asked. So innocent. Walked right into his trap.

“The nights are lonely and cold,” Yuri said. He all but slithered over to her and Tei could not even mask his glare this time around. “If you're truly worried about me, why don't you and I spend a passionate night—”

A slipper hit Yuri's head. Lance always reacted far quicker than Tei would. He was thankful for that.

“Do you ever learn?” Lance asked coldly. Tei felt like he was reading his mind.

“I like to be known for my persistence,” Yuri said. Tei rolled his eyes. He was known for something.

“Well you certainly are stubborn. Why don't you sit down and eat like the rest of us?” Tei said.

“You're such a mom,” Yuri grumbled. Tei decidedly ignored him. Red changed the subject back to his play. Tei doubted Red was perceptive enough to know that he was helping greatly by doing so, but he was glad he did anyway.

“If Red's doing the play and Tei's working, then the house will be very quiet...” Yeonho said sadly.

“The quiet might be welcome. In fact, there are certain people who should just never come home,” Lance said with a pointed look at Yuri.

“Hey, as long as My Honey is here, I'm not leaving,” Yuri said. Tei narrowed his eyes.

“You're never home to enjoy her company. You're always stay out too late. What do you do outside anyway?” Tei asked.

“Adult things. Be careful Tei, curiosity killed the cat. Just drop the subject,” Yuri said. That did nothing to make Tei less suspicious. And his flirty wink to Eri only made Tei more upset than anything. But before his temper could properly skyrocket, Eri swooped in to unknowingly brighten his day.

“Oh, Tei. Can I stop by the café today?” she asked.

He was a little dumbfounded by the question.

“Today?” he said.

“Yes, I think my friends will have time,” she said.

He wanted to tell her she didn't need her friends to come see him. But honestly, if she was going to be safe, yes she did. Still he felt waves of contentment wash over him.

“Of course. You can come any time!” he said. He couldn't help it. All the warm feelings spilled over and he couldn't stop smiling. “You must have really enjoyed yourself the first time.”

But she squinted her eyes in confusion.

“Huh? What do you—”

Yeonho whined about going with her, but Tei caught her expression and was confused himself. Did...did she not remember going to Banjul? No, maybe he just misinterpreted her impression of the place. Yeonho continued to pout about not being able to go due to school duties, while Lance coldly told him not to shirk his responsibilities. While Tei greatly appreciated Lance's contentiousness, he could stand to temper it with some civility and kindness.

“You should do your best to fulfill your obligations, Yeonho. When you come, I'll be sure to give you a cake, all right?” Tei said.

“Wow, really? Thank you!” Yeonho said. Tei did not want to admit he had a favorite of the other dolls, but Yeonho definitely was his favorite.

They finished breakfast and headed out. Tei liked the limo Yuri bought because the bus really took a toll on his knee. But he hated it because if Eri rode with them, she was in danger. He was honestly torn. But when he arrived at school, he had a few missions of his own. Armed with tea, coffee, and sweets, he was ready to make his own moves.

* * *

Before class started he went over to the office. He took a deep breath. It was time for him to put on the charm. He reminded himself this was for Eri. He opened the door and smiled as brightly as he could at the women.

“Good morning!” he said. They all returned his smile. It wasn't as rewarding as seeing Eri's smile, but it had to do.

“I thought, since you all work so hard that I would give you all some coffee and tea to keep you going. Thank you for your hard work for the whole student body,” he said. He set the canisters of tea leaves and coffee beans on the table next to their coffee machine.

“Oh thanks, Tei. That was such a kind gesture!” one of the women said.

“It was nothing. The drinks we serve at my job are very good. Please stop by if you have a chance,” he said. “Also, if there's anything I can do to help you out while I'm at school, I'd be glad to pitch in.”

“Well...” another one of the office ladies said. They all looked at each other before coming to a silent agreement. “Would you mind stopping by after school a few days? We are trying to digitize our records and we have a lot of boxes to move. We'll let you know what to do when you get here.”

“I'd be honored to help!” Tei said. While he was helping, he could get a copy of Yuri's documents and prove they were forgeries. Since Tei didn't want to get caught up in whatever Yuri was doing late at night he decided this was the best piece of blackmail he could get for now. He might have to investigate Yuri's night outings just to make sure the police won't be raiding their house someday.

“Tei, if you need anything from us, please let us know! If you need late passes or to have a teacher paged, we'd be glad to help you,” she said. “Really we're at your mercy. We love coffee.”

Jack pot.

“There is one thing I'd like right now, if it's not too much to ask,” Tei said.

“What can we do?”

“I'd like to see Mr. Yuri's schedule. I have a question I need to ask him before I have class with him and I want to know when he's free so I can speak with him.”

“Certainly. Here, use my log in and print out his schedule.”

“You're so kind. Thank you,” he said. This was even better. He was able to look up Yuri's schedule and while he was in the system, he looked up Yujin's schedule as well. In fact, with a few clicks he was able to see all the teachers that went to Eri's class. He printed out all schedules and flashed one last smile to the office ladies before he left. With a few more gifts and sweet words, he could have access to more privileges and favors. He'd have to stock up on Banjul products for a while.

Now he had a little information about Yujin as well. But he needed more. That wasn't so hard. He could have relied on the girls in his class to tell him, but he didn't want them to misunderstand his questions. Instead, he relied on his male classmates. All of whom were eager to tell him about Yujin's fascination with bones, Beatrice, and picking on Eri. Rumors abounded of Yujin dissecting students. Tei made a few rough assumptions based on this fact. One: he could threaten Yujin by threatening Beatrice. That was obvious and much too brutal, but to protect Eri he would do it if he had to. Two: if his bone structure were truly like his doll body, it was unnaturally symmetrical and perfect. Except for his knee. It was said Yujin could tell where you'd broken bones. It was likely Yujin could tell his knee wasn't right, but perhaps he wouldn't be able to tell right away. Tei would risk it. He could offer himself up as a test subject to bribe Yujin. If Yujin really killed students, it might be a sweet release.

With his plan set in motion, Tei was ready to do all he could to keep Eri out of danger.

* * *

Work was another safe refuge. Though today had the promise of Eri's sweet face. Her soft smiles, her furtive glances. Tei told himself not to be overly anxious, to control his excitement over her coming to the cafe. But even the mere promise of her arrival filled him with such joy. She didn't even have to come. His excitement died a bit when the tall figure of Hobin headed his way. Tei could guess what he wanted and, dressed all in black while carrying John, he looked like an undertaker sealing his doom.

“I have an errand for you,” he said. Tei hid his exasperated sigh and followed him to his office. He took out a slip of paper.

“I have a few tea samples to pick up. It's not far,” he said.

Tei took the paper, saw the address and raised his eyebrows. Not far at all. But Eri was coming at any moment and he didn't want to miss her even for a second. In the end, he knew he had a job to do.

“I'll be back soon,” Tei said. Hobin laughed as he cradled John.

“I know you will,” he said. Hobin seemed to really like him for some reason. Tei supposed he was good for business, unfortunately his fangirls swarmed the place. He went off to do Hobin's errand. Even outside of the cafe, his uniform caught everyone's attention. He supposed, since he was once an object, being objectified didn't phase him as much. But he still didn't like it. Especially since now he was alive and capable of being more than just a pretty doll. He wanted to be treated like a person.

He supposed that was why he loved Eri so much. Even as dolls she spoke to them like people. He never forgot his first look at her face, or the feel of her gentle hands as she held him. He wanted her to hold him again, he wanted to hold her. But it was a pointless dream. He couldn't hold her and be held without guilt.

When he finally returned with Hobin's tea, he found an army of fangirls, eyes trained in his direction. But his eyes were only on Hobin. He was talking to a table with three girls. Conveniently, one of those girls was Eri. She turned and met his eyes and his heart skipped a beat. That simple look could power him for the twenty four hours of nonstop work if the need arose. He couldn't even stop smiling, probably bigger than he wanted to. He was drawn across the room, he felt almost as though he was floating, he barely felt his legs move.

“You actually came,” he said. Her smile was smaller, guarded. He wanted to personally murder every girl who shot her glares, who forced the distance between them. He handed Hobin his tea and sent him on his way.

“So did you ladies order your drinks?” he asked. More to Eri, but out of courtesy he included the other two.

“Yes! We ordered the Secret Garden, and Eri ordered the ZZZ,” one of her friends said. Tei smiled at Eri. He had a slight worry that she'd taste the difference, but he was overjoyed at the idea that she was now so attached to the tea—the memory they shared together—that she'd order it even when he wasn't there. But even that memory was laced with some pain, if she ever knew what he'd done to the tea...it was only out of concern for her health and safety.

“I knew you'd like it. I'll take your order sheet and get you your drinks,” he said. Zion rushed over. Tei was not going to let him serve Eri. Not while he had spent all day waiting to see her.

“That's my table, Tei,” Zion said.

“Well you were talking and I decided to take action,” Tei said.

“I was here first!” Zion said a bit more forcefully this time. Tei spun him around and pushed him toward a table of waiting girls.

“Those lovely ladies are waiting for you. You should go help them,” Tei said.

“Don't push!” Zion said.

“I'll be back with your drinks,” he said. As he walked away, he chanced a glance over his shoulder at Eri. She was still watching him and he smiled at her. She was the sun to his moon. He mirrored her smiles, he couldn't help it. He couldn't wait to be at her side again. He made their drinks with care and chose a plate of assorted cookies and returned. He could tell by the look on Eri's face something was wrong. It was the same expression she had this morning. In fact, he'd seen that face on her before, but he couldn't place when.

“Here are your drinks,” he said.

“We didn't order cookies,” the taller of her friends said.

“It's on me,” Tei said. He wanted to be generous with Eri, and as her friends seemed nice enough he was happy to extend his kindness to them as well. Though he wanted to keep his eye on the one that was blushing and smiling whenever he was around. He sensed she could be trouble.

“Oh, thank you, Tei!” she said. He kept his smile polite.

“You seem to be close with Eri. I never really got your names,” he said.

“Well, I'm Soi and this is Shinbi,” Soi stammered. Shinbi nodded in greeting. “We're in class N with Eri and I'm the class president!”

Yet another admirer. But if she was friends with Eri, he could tolerate her better than the others.

“I see. Please take care of her,” Tei said.

“There's no need for all that,” Eri grumbled.

“Of course we will!” Soi said.

“We'll never leave her side,” Shinbi added.

He really liked these girls.

“I'm relieved,” he said. Just as he was about to do more to ensure Eri's safety a table of girls called for his attention. He waved and sighed. “Duty calls. Enjoy your drinks.”

He covertly warned Eri that the tea was hot and hurried off. He had to find a way to be satisfied just listening to her voice, getting bits and pieces of her conversation. She was always in his peripheral vision. When he was at the barista station, he could look at her full on. And he happened to catch the sight of her shaking. He almost dropped the tea cup he was holding. He served the other table their tea, but he was close enough to catch parts of Eri's conversation.

“That cat...have I seen it before?” she asked.

He broke out in a cold sweat. She'd forgotten all about John. Which means she didn't remember the day Yeonho went missing. That was impossible. She was in tears over Yeonho, there was no way she'd forget. What was more she was holding her head, shaking and deathly pale. How could he let her get this sick? How could he be so unaware, he was doing everything he could to care for her. Except…

He'd have to check the diary tonight. It was near closing time, if she lingered long enough he'd see her home. He hurried to clean the kitchen, but by the time he finished she had left. He ran after her. Despite the pain in his knee he hurried to catch the next bus home, hoping to catch her. He was hot and a touch sweaty by the time he caught up with her. She heard his approach and turned to him.

“I can't believe you're going home by yourself,” he said.

“You scared me! How did you even get here so fast?” she asked.

“I heard you'd left before I finished cleaning so I took the next bus to catch up with you,” he said. She looked worried, but he smiled at her. He wanted her to smile back. The inconvenience didn't matter, he just wanted her to smile at him so he knew he wouldn't be rejected (for now). It was a small sheepish smile that he received in return. Good enough.

“That was a lot of trouble. I just didn't want to bother you at work,” she said. He put his hand on her head and smoothed her hair. She didn't stop him and he felt exhilarated at the feel of it.

“I don't mind. I'm the one who hurried after you,” he said. She laughed a little and he was now past pleasure and into pain he was so happy to be with her.

“Did you enjoy yourself today?” he asked.

“Oh the tea was great! Maybe it's because of the change of location, but the ZZZ tea tasted different. I still liked it though,” Eri said. A silent sigh of relief. She didn't suspect a thing.

“I'm glad you liked it. Mr. Hobin is allowing me to take some of the tea leaves for free. So I'll make it for you as much as you want,” he said.

“Wow! That's really nice of him. I wasn't much of a tea person before you started making it for me. I'm glad to branch out thanks to you!” she said.

“Coffee is bad for you. Just drink my tea from now on,” he said. Also, he was worried that the caffeine might interfere with the sleeping pills. But he couldn't tell her that. She smiled as they walked together. He was so glad to see her back to normal energy.

“You look better,” he said. She looked at him in confusion. “You didn't look so well earlier.”

She blushed and looked away in embarrassment. “You saw that?”

He noticed everything about her.

“Of course I noticed. If you'd stayed I could have found a way to get out of work and take you home,” he said.

“I wasn't really sick. It was nothing. Really, why is everyone so worried?” she said. He stopped walking. He wanted to hold her tight, squeeze her and force her to understand.

“Sometimes you're so dense. We're worried because the symptoms you're exhibiting are worth worrying about,” he said. It was all he could do right now. He needed to get her home. She hunched her shoulders and seemed to cower. That wasn't what he wanted. He stroked her hair. It was so soft, the only real contact he could enjoy without much guilt. She looked up at him, surprised at the gesture, her eyes wide. So innocent…

“So pure,” he said absently, more to himself than to her. In fact, he hadn't realized he'd said it out loud.

“What?” she said. He brushed it off.

“Nothing. Let's just go home,” he said with a smile. He agonized the whole way home, hoping she wouldn't read too much into his words. Just the ones that counted. They returned home. Red and Yeonho were watching TV, but Yuri came up and held her hand.

“Why did you come home with Tei? I've been trying get you to play with me and you go off to Tei's café on your own? I'm hurt! You know I'm at your mercy,” he said.

“Will you quit it,” Eri growled.

Tei came to her rescue.

“Eri's tired, so just let her rest,” he said.

Yuri looked to Eri quickly.

“Why are you tired?” Yuri said. He froze and glared at Tei. “Wait...you're not—”

“No. Stop being a pervert,” Tei said.

Yuri wrapped his arms around Eri as she leaned away. “I'll help you relax, My Honey. How about a nice massage to relieve all that stress.”

Tei was about to retrieve a pencil from his bag for a quick stab, but Lance had his slipper in hand. Yuri released her.

“Fine, fine,” he said. Eri hurried off to her room and Tei glared at Yuri before he left to get ready for bed himself.

He was slipping. He'd allowed himself to enjoy her presence too much and as a result, he'd become lax. Her affection should have inspired him to work harder, not to be more violent. He made her tea with care after he was showered and in his pajamas. He knocked on her door hoping she still went to see him after he neglected her.

“Come in,” she said.

And when entered, when she looked up from her diary and into his eyes and smiled...he forgot how far away he was from her. All his demons were temporarily exorcized and for a brief moment he felt worthy enough to be at her side.

_If you dirtied her, you could be with her always._

He squashed that thought. He set the tea before her. She beamed as she brought it to her lips.

“Do you ever get tired of doing this for me?” she said.

He shook his head. “Never.”

“I have to repay you somehow. What can I do for you?” she asked.

_Let me destroy you._

He tried to hide his slight trembling by closing his eyes and stroking his chin. While his darker desires might have given him some satisfaction, what he wanted, truly wanted was to be raised to her level. To be cleansed of his evil, to be the man worthy of her love. And for now, her smiles did that.

“Just keep smiling at me the way you are now. I feel stronger, cleansed whenever you do,” he said.

“Cleansed?” she said. She wanted an explanation. He didn't want to give one. He noted that she'd almost gotten through half her cup of tea. Usually she was crawling into bed by now. Did he need to increase her dosage?

“Aren't you sleepy?” he asked, hoping to distract her. As soon as he said it, it seemed a wave of fatigue hit her.

“Yeah...I am...” she said. Eri tried to stand but almost fell. Tei helped her to her feet and then over to her bed. He shut off the lights, tucked her in and sat on her bed.

“You should go to bed yourself, Tei. I'm fine now,” she said. He shushed her and smoothed her hair, silently begging her to just rest. She did so after a while and he sighed as her breathing became even. He held her face gently.

“You don't know how scared I was when I saw you shaking at work. Don't scare me like that again,” he said. He then did his nightly check of her room. This time, instead of aimlessly flipping through her diary, he actually sat down and looked for specific days. Since she wrote everyday, he looked in the top left corner for a date. Even if it was smudged, he knew it was a different day. He wanted to find the entry about Yeonho going missing, and the entry about the day she came to Banjul. Flipping back a week or so, he found that the day of her first visit to Banjul was torn out. He counted back the appropriate amount of days and saw that there were ripped pages. Then he went back further to look for the entry about John and that was also missing.

Now he was scared. What did it mean? How was the diary connected to her memory? How could he protect her? He didn't want to leave her alone. He knelt by her bedside despite the pain it caused his knee. He'd return to his room before Yuri came home. There had to be another way to protect her, he'd find it.

He didn't dare experiment with Eri by tearing out pages of her diary, but the mere idea of her being so vulnerable made him sick. Now he was second guessing his choice of drugging her. Was he doing more harm than good? He wouldn't stop serving her tea but whether or not he'd put pills in was debatable. He'd go a few days without them and see how she felt.

Tei decided to focus on the immediate threats to Eri's safety. Yuri and Yujin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah. I updated.


	7. Chapter 7

VI.

* * *

Tei put his plan into action. He had to go in early to help out the office staff. So as not to worry Eri, as everyone sat down to breakfast in the morning he mentioned that he would be taking the bus that day.

“Oh may I ride with you?” Eri said. “It's a bit of a hassle to ride the limo every morning.”

Tei hid his smile as he sipped his tea. Eri was safe with him and way from Yuri. Yuri looked crushed.

“My Honey, riding the bus is in no way fitting for someone of your beauty,” He said.

“You can't decide what's fitting for me,” Eri said. “Besides, all the girls at the limo every morning are dangerous for me. I'd rather take the bus.”

Tei was elated. One on one time with Eri. Her voice, her smiles, and looks all to himself. What he didn't expect was for Yeonho to grab her sleeve and look up at her with pleading eyes.

“Master...I like riding the limo with you. Don't leave me!” he whined. Eri stroked his hair.

“I'm not leaving you, Yeonho, I would never do that to you. I'm just taking a different way to school, that's all,” she said. Tei clenched his jaw. He didn't have it in him to glare at Yeonho, he wasn't upset. More annoyed. He was glad Eri was not overly swayed by his cuteness (but she did over indulge him sometimes).

“I'm with Yellow on this one, Heroine,” Red chimed in. “It's no fun in the limo without you!”

Tei closed his eyes and focused on the taste of his food so he wouldn't be tempted to shoot Red a death glare.

“No. I'll take the bus today. I need a break,” she said. She held fast to her convictions. Tei could not stop his beating heart. Still, he knew she was not completely out of danger. As they sat at the door way putting on their shoes, he discussed their route plan.

“I know we can safely walk together to the bus station, but we should separate when we arrive,” he said.

“I agree. You're so popular, everybody wants a kind smile from Prince Sunshine,” she said. He furrowed his brow. What did she say? She sensed his eyes on her and kept her eyes on her shoes.

“What did you call me?” he asked. Her cheeks reddened.

“Nothing, just something I heard. Forget it,” she said. He would not forget it. What were these girls saying about him? Would their fanatic behavior scare her away from him? One the one hand the distance would protect her form him. On the other hand, she was clearly in danger from other sources and he had to stay near her. He tried to inject logic into the situation. Even if he wasn't in her presence there e was a lot he could do to keep her safe from a distance.

For now he could enjoy their short walk. Sadly it was much shorter than he predicted. They'd only gone a few blocks before they saw a girl from their school. Immediately, without being told, Eri slowed so he could walk ahead. Already he missed her. A few more girls followed him.

“T-Tei good morning,” One of the girls said. He smiled politely, but honestly he had no reason to do so. His morning was no longer a good one.

“Good morning,” he said.

“I...I made you a scarf. It's going to be cold soon, so...”

He couldn't. She put in all that effort for whatever image of him she projected. There was no care given as to who he was as an actual person.

“No thank you. I can't accept your gift he said,

“Please just...”

“I know you put your heart in it, but I just can't,” he said.

Another jumped in, “I have cookies!”

He wanted nothing from them. And even if there was the slightest temptation he couldn't indulge them, not with Eri watching. He didn't want her to misunderstand. He had nothing to give these other girls because she had everything. He ended up being so mobbed by girls Eri was pushed farther and farther away. She ended up on another bus because of them. He felt the pain in his leg more than usual.

Once he got to school, he could still work hard for her. He didn't even see her when he arrived on campus. He had to stay focused, he went straight to the office. Before he entered he tried to will all the positivity he could muster. He pictured Eri's warm smile, her peaceful sleeping face. He entered the office with a bright smile and held up the coffee. It had the desired effect, lots of giggles and blushing.

“I'll be your personal barista today. Enjoy your coffee while I move your boxes,” he said.

“Oh, Tei you are too good for this world!” the office manager said. He could only give a polite smile as he made them coffee, poured each woman a cup and set about working. Thankfully, they were more preoccupied with the coffee to really pay attention to him. So, while he was picking up the last box, he was left alone in the records room. This gave him time to grab Yuri's file and covertly slip it into the inside of his uniform jacket. He'd examine it when he got home. To many girls followed him for there to be any time alone at school. He finished moving the boxes for the office staff, but it he was now a bit late for class.

“Oh, don't worry. We'll write you a hall pass," the office manager said. “If you could come just one more day, there's one last set of boxes to be moved. You've helped us so much! And the coffee is amazing! If Banjul coffee is this good, we'll definitely be by.”

“I'm so glad to be of help. You ladies always work so hard for students like me, I just wanted to show some appreciation,” he said.

They saw him off thinking he'd truly lived up to the title of Prince Sunshine. All Tei knew was that he felt like the devil incarnate with Yuri's file feeling like a hot coal of treachery under his jacket. Eri would be safe, he could blackmail Yuri into anything if he had the forged paperwork and the threat of going to the police as a way to keep him pinned down.

* * *

While school itself was not bad, the overall experience of being treated like a celebrity was utterly horrible. It marred what was, in Tei's opinion, the one good part of his day. While he could never guarantee he'd seen Eri during lunch, he could always see her after music. Her class always came after his. He'd be very slow about leaving just so he could catch a glimpse of her. But as more and more girls realized that if they waited by the music room, they could see all of the HOT5 together when they switched music classes, his chance of seeing her got slimmer and slimmer. He had to stay pleasant, but his patience wore thin.

For whatever reason today was the worst had ever been. His classmates had a hard time leaving the room. Tei shot a glare back at Yuri who didn't seem to notice the commotion, or him at all. Tei had half a mind to start the blackmail right now, but he had no idea what the file contained so he held back. He didn't want to expose his hand too soon. Red was already out the door.

“Woah! What's going on? Are you all here to see Yuri or what?” Red said. The girls giggled and Red looked to Tei.

“What's the joke?” he asked. Tei could only offer a tired smile. He was exhausted and it was only a few periods into the day. And his mood was even more soured by the fact that he wouldn't see Eri. Yeonho and Lance were able to push through the crowd and looked equally as exasperated. He nodded to them and was about to leave when he heard a small cry. He had to be imagining things. He head Eri in danger at every turn, and he had to stop imagining—

“Ah! Heroine, are you okay?” Red asked. Tei looked over his shoulder and saw that the crowd had parted and Red was looking down. He hurried over. Eri was on the floor, looking up at Red in terror. She must have been in pain.

“I'm fi—” she began.

“Are you hurt?” Tei interjected. He couldn't stop himself, she was hurt and he couldn't keep away. He knelt down and helped her to stand. She tried to put weight on both her feet, but he saw instantly that she favored one over the other. Something was wrong with her ankle.

“I'm really okay,” she said. Her face was turning red. She was clearly not feeling well. She was having nightmares. She was losing her memory. She hurt her ankle. And now her face was red and she looked ready to faint. He was failing to protect her and he was inwardly spiraling.

“Let me help you,” he said. She backed away, but stepped on her bad foot and instantly cringed. Before Tei could fully panic, Yuri poked his head out of the classroom.

“What on earth is going on here?” he said.

“She hurt her ankle!” Red said. Yuri raised an eyebrow.

“First thing's first. What are all you students doing out here? If you're not in my next class you need to leave. Now,” Yuri said. They dispersed. Tei was impressed by Yuri's authoritative tone, he'd never seen him actually behave like a teacher.

“That means you too,” Yuri said. Tei glared. “Don't worry. She'll be fine. You, class president. Keep your classmates in line while I take Eri to the nurse.”

Soi snapped to attention. “Right! You've got it, Mr. Yuri!”

Eri leaned on Yuri's arm as they headed toward the nurse. Tei chanced a look back at her. While he'd rather she not have been hurt, he wanted to help her, to make up for all his failings.

During lunch Tei received a text. That was unusual enough, what made it truly bizarre was that it was from Lance.

“You put her in a lot of danger,” was all he said.

Tei put everything together. He'd taken precautions not to give Eri too much attention at school, but now with that small act, he'd jeopardized everything. He cursed the day he was put together. How could he be so stupid? He had to take even more effort to take care of her from a distance. Red stormed in looking more agitated than usual and stood at attention.

“I'm sorry, Commander. I know you told me displays of force were strictly prohibited at school. But I had to,” red said.

“Had to do what?” Tei asked.

“Threaten that creepy doctor. I don't think he did enough for Heroine,” Red said.

Tei was ready to scold him, but thought Red actually had a good idea.

“I'll allow this to slide as you did no physical harm. I will go speak with Mr. Yujin myself,” Tei said.

Before lunch period was over, Tei went to the nurse's office and closed the door behind him a bit forcefully. Yujin, who had been fondling Beatrice in the dark, jumped. Tei flipped on the light. Thankfully, nothing too odd was happening, but it was compromising enough. Tei smiled, but it was an expression few had seen. He was ready to deal. Yujin was just as affected to this smile devoid of joy as women were to his warmer, polite ones. Tei sat on Yujin's stool, forcing the man to sit in the lower, patient's chair.

“I want you to call Eri from class N and check her ankle as soon as I leave this room,” Tei said. Yujin crossed his arms but swallowed hard.

“And why should I?” Yujin asked.

“If you do you'll have the best test subject you've ever had,” Tei said. Yujin's eyes sparkled behind his glasses.

“Four people have come in about that girl, but you're the first to offer me anything. Before I agree to the terms I must examine you,” Yujin said.

“Agree to the terms or no deal,” Tei said. Yujin stared over his glasses.

“Your bone structure seems too perfect to be real,” he muttered to himself. “Fine. I'll see her.”

He had the office page her and Tei stood up triumphant. But as he walked out, Yujin coughed awkwardly.

“You injured your knee, didn't you?” he said. Tei's mouth went dry and his palms got sweaty. “You tricked me. I'll keep my end of the deal, since it's already in motion. Such a shame. Almost perfect, but that injury makes you just as repulsive as the rest of them.”

Tei grimaced and shrugged his shoulders and closed the door quietly. But Yujin's words made him dizzy with nausea.

* * *

Tei found maneuvering things to take care of Eri all consuming. Everything took a backseat: work, school, everything. However, he wanted his actions to remain as unnoticed as possible if he slacked at all and Eri found out she'd become concerned. He had to keep his grades up and do well at work.

He was doing a good job of keeping up the facade, he was top of his class, and Hobin liked him a lot. Well enough to leave him in charge while he went on a business related trip. So of course, during Tei's first time as acting manager he entered to a distraught and frantic Zion. The source of his distress was the fact that the harp, the whole reason that Zion even worked at Banjul, was gone. Tei tried to think of how it could have been stolen, while he juggled catering to patrons and consoling Zion. He couldn't help but wonder if Zion's tears were all theatrical. He'd wanted that harp since he'd seen it. Of course he would take advantage of Hobin's absence to steal it.

Eri and her friend Soi arrived and that calmed him somewhat (though he'd rather Soi not have come). They were both instantly on Zion's side. Tei wished he could be so blind. As much as he wanted to believe Zion wasn't at fault, the idea of his guilt. While he wasn't sure how Zion would have stolen the harp, but he was suspicious still. No one else would have a motive ot steal the harp, but when work drew to a close, Tei left all of those thoughts behind. He was going home back to the world that was comfortable. Back to the center of his universe. He hoped to find Eri in bed. Instead she was awake. He knew the look in her eyes but allowed her to say what was on her mind.

“Did you have any leads on the harp?” she asked. Tei shook his head. He wished she'd stop worrying about it.

“Don't worry about that,” he said.

“I just don't want zion to get in trouble for something he didn't do,” she said. He narrowed his eyes as he took off his coat.

“You seem so certain he didn't do it,” Tei said.

“I know he didn't, he was too upset,” Eri said.

“He could be faking,” he said.

“You can't fake that kind of pain,” she said, Tei kept his mount shut, remembering her comparison to the loss of her grandfather. He did not want to invalidate her feelings, especially not over that.

“It will work out. Please don't stress over other people's problems,” he said. Especially not when she was so sick herself. “I'll take a shower and make you a cup of tea.”

Her shoulders slumped and she nodded. He smoothed her hair. All would be forgotten when he made her tea. He stepped into the shower. She would drink his tea and fall into sweet nothingness. She'll know no pain, no sorrow, no worry. In fact…

An incredibly dark thought passed though is mind. If he tore out all the pages of her diary, she'd be a blank slate. He could erase her memories and fill her mind with only him and what he deemed appropriate for her. She couldn't go to school with no memory, they'd work together at Banjul. He could see her all the time.

He stopped himself. He wasn't sure of how badly being ripped of all her memories would affect her. While the idea of being the only person in her whole world, supplanting even her grandfather was tempting. He couldn't do that to her. He dried off and left the shower only to see her light out. He froze. His heartbeat skyrocketed. She should have waited for him. He knocked on the door. Maybe she was asleep.

“Eri?” he said. No response. He opened the door and prayed he'd see her curled under the covers. No such luck. He fell to his knees and gripped his hair. All his worst nightmares were coming true. Whoever was tearing pages out of her diary had struck. Eri was gone forever and with her...without her…

Tears began to form as all their time together flashed before his eyes, all culminating in the first time she opened his box, the first time he saw her smile, an expression he needed to see after being so despised for so long. The fact that she still returned his smiles knowing he was dirty, seeing his injury.

He could not give up. If there was any chance she was still alive he had to find her. He looked around her room for any signs or clues as to where she went. He then searched the other rooms. Nothing. A thought crossed his mind. She was only concerned with the harp. He put on his coat and headed for Banjul. As he walked, we reached his hand in his pocked for the key, but he found it missing. He hurried along. Now he found it highly likely she was at Banjul. He hoped she was safe, that she was alone and no one else was there. If she was dead he had nothing left. If she was harmed...something dark and sinister loomed in the back of his mind.

He just needed to see her. He was all but running to Banjul now. When he arrived, the door was open, but the lights were off. He quieted his fears and turned the lights on. He saw a small figure tucked into a corner. He approached slowly. She crouched, her eyes closed. He breathed a sigh of relief.

“Oh, thank god,” he said. She looked up.

“Tei! You...I'm so sorry,” she said.

“I'm not mad just...” he paused. Scared. Worried. Half mad in love with her. He swallowed all of those feelings. “What are you doing here?”

“I'd hope to find any clues as to who might have taken the harp,” she said.

“What would you have done if the thief returned?” he asked. Her shoulders fell.

“I… I don't know. I'm sorry for stealing from you,” she said. He cupped her cheek almost reassure himself she was real. The warmth of her skin calmed him.

“Don't worry. I'll make you some tea,” he said. She started to protest, but he didn't really want to hear it. He wanted control of the situation. He'd put a few sleeping pills in his pocket just in case. Now he was glad he had them. He crushed them and poured her tea. He came out, far more relaxed and in control than he'd ever felt that evening. She trusted him, even though he was drugging her. It was all for her safety. She drank the tea with no hesitations. They sat together on a love seat. He wanted to put his arm around her, but he held back. It turned out he didn't need to initiate contact. She put her head on his shoulder, he eyes closed. His heart fluttered. Now he felt intensely guilty at his dark thoughts before. His beloved owner would never be dirtied. Which meant he'd never deserve her. He made peace with that thought. Sort of. But right now her simple touch was setting him on fire.

“I always end the day with your tea,” she mumbled. She nuzzled her nose against his shoulder. He wanted to cry, he wanted to hold her. He wanted to kiss her. Instead, when he was sure she was asleep, he let her rest the the full length of the love seat. He put his jacket over her. She snuggled under it as he did.

“Good night, Tei,” she mumbled. He knelt beside her and kissed her hand and held it against his forehead.

“Good night, my sweet owner,” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So just so you know, I actually wrote out the entire alternate route that splits off from this point in the game, fleshing the whole thing out. I'll be posting it separately, so as not to mess up the flow of this one, since it's based on the main storyline.
> 
> I'm really sorry these take so long to write, but Tei stresses me out! When he's good, he's amazing, but when he's bad, it hurts to write him.

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this on Tumblr and a bit on Dreamwidth, but it's much easier to put it all in one spot and get feedback!


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